Insidious Adaptation

When I first graduated with my bachelor's degree after seven years of in and out of school, many degree switches, and goal-interfering behaviors, I finally got my first job in my field. Little did I know that first job was going to be working at a group home with adolescent boys whom had a criminal rap sheet larger than grown men I would later work with. The funniest part of the job was that the first time I went in for the interview I had to take a basic math exam, which I failed. My pride interfered with my ability to conduct basic, elementary-level mathematics and budget a grocery ledger. "I'm sorry Mr. Meier, you failed the math test, you are not eligible for hire at this time." The words shook through my body, crumbled my foundation, made me reflect on every other inadequacy that was now exposed. Pain searing through my temples, a throbbing that made me want to lash out at him, the HR guy (whom later became a Facebook friend). I wanted to hurt someone, I wa...

A bowl of oatmeal, a few eggs, this is what I chose to eat this morning before heading to the gym. A few cups of coffee, because, well, let's be honest, I am up earlier than I should be. Being tired is not a foreign concept to me, for I have either woken up early, or stayed up too late for much of my life. As many people do, I rely on what "science" tells me to do, to help remedy these problems. As a child I wanted to be better than what I was, and eventually into adulthood, I wanted to just be better than. I wanted people to think I was smart, for "look what I told you." I wanted people to like me, but more importantly, look up to me, for I was presenting as a smart person, something I always feared I wasn't. I wanted you to see everything about me that I couldn't see. I was able to take something concrete-ish like nutritional information, and provide that to people with my own unique insight to relate, to comfort, ultimately to persuade you that I ...

This isn't going to go the way you think... The best line from the latest official Star Wars movie, The Last Jedi .  In the scene, Luke, the master, is trying to coach young Rey about forces, right and wrong, through his own experiences, reporting what he knows to be a hard truth. No matter how hard a person tries, or how bad they may want something, sometimes it just isn't going to go your way, or as expected. Unfortunately, plenty of things do go our way that we fail to acknowledge. Certain failures or hard times end up bringing out the best in us. A break-up, a firing from a job, a failed project, only to produce the better version later. Uh hem, failed writing attempts to convey what I thought a clear message, however feedback says otherwise. It's really two things that all of the online success coaches are going to promote. The same basic ideas that children are taught, to pick yourself up when you fall, and to learn from the failure. These two concepts a...

In elementary school there was this sales program to raise funds for school equipment or something. I have no clue what the money from sales of chocolates went towards, just that it was a yearly thing and it always happened early in the school year so that the mostly-obligated customers (parents co-wroker of parents, neighbors) would get their over-priced candies or popcorn by Thanksgiving. I remember having a little bit of funds to where I could buy from myself as well. Essentially, get high on my own supply. Looking through the pages of a book full of goodies, was like me in a candy....wait, literally I was in a candy store and I was able to get whatever I wanted. The catch, I had to wait months, when I could go to the gas station and purchase something now. However, these candies were not just regular candies, they were labeled as, " The World's Finest Chocolates. " Yes, I remember taking the title literally as though we were dealing a delicacy to the public, pro...

People like the idea of numbers. We like that we can measure and determine if something is enough or not, if something has been accomplished or failed. When we simply say something is, "better," this isn't anything other than a cloud of unknown. We can use, "better" to justify based on our assumption, or we can use, "better" as a deterrent, as though if that's as good as it gets, then forget it. As an adolescent, specifically here, my Sophomore and Junior year in high school, I suffered from what I would reflect on as an eating disorder, anorexia. Now, I know what you're thinking right here, and this isn't the lifetime version of a boy gone wrong. This started out so innocent, as a subtle way to lose weight. I was unable to see at the time that I had an unbalanced approach with how I dealt with things. Instead of having a natural shut off, I latched on to things and went after them until they were mine. Weight-loss became no different. ...

A box on the grocery store shelf, nothing special. Two dollars, an egg, and a cup of oil, and you’ve got yourself a snack made for a king. In fact, kings wouldn’t have had it this good when kings ruled the land. The heroes depicted in Game of Thrones don’t have a box of easy to mix, bake, and eat brownies, but yet, I do. I am not royalty, I am not famous, why should I have access to such a plethora of taste. My buds stimulated as a sugar glaze and the perfect ratio of fatty acids graces the tongue telling the brain how good I’ve been. As with all good boys, they are rewarded. My reward is a delicacy ready without much effort at all, and available to anyone. No longer are delicacies measured by the time it takes to produce. Sure, purists can always argue that those ingredients are crap and that the authentic stuff is better. Nobody is disagreeing with that. However, to a poor person getting $100,000 one could say a million is better, but that hundred grand still looks pretty sweet (...

Leaving the gym on an early Friday morning has me remiss. I miss relying on the gym for the quality of my day. I miss the feeling of achieving the size and strength once felt. I miss the complements I thought I received. I miss the massive two bowls of oatmeal and four eggs before and after workouts. I no longer need that much now. I no longer need more than an hour in that place anymore. What I don't miss says more about me. I no longer miss the excess-driven way I lived. I no longer miss the competition I perceived, contributing to a negative environment. Sure, I see a guy, he's leaner or he's stronger, better looking, none of that is hard to find, and I make my snap judgment, but I let it pass now. I remind myself what it is I who am guilty and this man or woman is not the problem. The Seven deadly sins are as follows: Pride Greed Lust Envy  Gluttony Wrath Sloth In the prime of bodybuilding/excessive dependence on the gym for a physique I wanted to de...