Insidious Adaptation

For one to, "lose weight," one has to place the body in what "experts" call a caloric deficit.  "Experts" are  people who has a comprehensive and authoritative knowledge of or skill in a particular area. "Knowledge" is  information, and skills acquired by a person through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject. "Understanding of a subject...."  The rabbit hole goes deep, for one can eventually dig to a basis they can question and therefore erode the basic foundation on which one believes. Unlike weight loss, which isn't actually understood by anyone, there are other, more prominent facts in the world that do require understanding.  Jesus for one.  For two, Halloween Candy.  Yes, Halloween Candy, has little to do with weight loss and even less to do with Jesus, right? I mean, Halloween itself, has some believe is the promotion of demons or satanic rituals. All Hallows' ev...

"Live each day as it is your last." This.....and moment, gone. "Be mindful of such moments, for this too shall pass." "Do not take for granted what you have now, for someone else would kill for it." Like the ingredients to a cookie, each one a critical element. The eggs, the butter, flour, sugar, baking soda even, a fine chemical equation erupts as heat serves as the catalyst to ignite a reaction. We too have our own ingredients that make the moment what it is. Our personality, our experience, our intricate way of seeing something, all necessary to make the moment, this moment, what it is. No two moments are alike. Just like no moment for me is the same as the moment for you. To analyze and compare the moments, would mean to take my past isolated moment, and your past isolated moment and compare them side by side, and who benefits from that? Considering that moment will never happen again, and that we used future moments to compare past moments...

Play. I had half a mind to leave the page blank, allow for artistic interpretation to the emptiness that very few things offer these days. To have some sentence at the end about what to make of your own blank page, your own life's purpose etc. However, I decided instead to provoke. When was the last time you allowed the mind to wander? When was the last time you didn't stop or try to control the thoughts? When was the last time you were allowed to actually daydream? I feel sometimes that the phone, the thumbprint, the scroll, the 5-10 minutes wasted, and then the rush to catch back up on work or be present with children, or try to catch back up on the conversation you were missing, prevents us from doing so. I feel as though the mind's ability to be, and explore, no longer exists as it once has. Now, sitting, dreaming, and getting nothing accomplished are not warranted in this world either, nor would that be fulfilling, but everything in the world now seems a way to...

Explosions erupting all round, the central nervous system kicks in, this must be battle . The physical feeling of impending conflict, its fight or flight. The worst part, the mind knows, the conscious intellect reminds the physically-stimulated body that things are OK and this is not a "battle." It is the body's familiarity with explosions associated with impending death of self or loved ones that a soldier must endure while children run around laughing and a father with beer in hand lights another one. Light it up Johnny! This is what the Fourth of July might mean to those who served so we could celebrate. This is PTSD as reported to me and this is what America tends to forget. However, the blanket way in which we refer to mental health has become an overlooked nuance. "I was anxious last night." Much different than, "I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder." "I was feeling depressed." Much different than being sad. "He'...

On my way home the other day, after a day of interaction, paperwork, daily occurrences that tend to wear a person down, my mind wanting to disconnect from reality, decides to latch on to something extreme. As I was driving past an old, now-abandoned storefront, I noticed something peculiar. I saw a row of 6-7 police SUVs all lined up, some with hoods ajar, others just parked. At first I thought, Huh, wonder why those are there, is that a new police station? After a few more microseconds, my mind, free to do as it wants, went to, With all those SUVs there, isn't that a liability? From here, the fuse was lit, the reflection of sun in my eyes no longer the priority, and quickly I thought of lighting the SUVs on fire! Ah yes, that would stir up some talk around here. For this was an immediate thought post-lighting. Like a mackalov cocktail thrown from across the street at 3AM, igniting one, and like dominos one explodes causing the others to follow.  What a scene this would be. I thi...

Gun laws, something of a debate these days. After all, when inanimate objects start to take over, killing hundreds a year, I too have my concerns. If only there was a way to understand the workings of tools that have evolved over the past few decades into these killing machines. Unfortunately, I have not come across the self-workings of a handgun, much like a hammer or the stinging steel of a blade. Therefore, I will attest to what I do know a little about, being human. Though my experience in humanism has only been 32 years, I have spent much time in this brain of mine, and in the last fifth or more helping others with what they present in their mind. This makes me nothing of an expert, however does allow me to contribute a perspective with intent to assist those who try to control. Those are left tired and angry, spreading soiled words on their children and so on. One apparent, and safer route to travel down is that of ice cream, or more specifically, ice-cream-type foods, a, ...

What I used to see. "Dude, you're a big guy." A passer-by at the gym, a man whom I've never seen before. Thanks, but you've got no idea what goes on in my head . My thoughts resonate into, "Thanks man." A reluctant response these days. "Yea but when I was your age, I was like twice your size." His response. ...and there it is. What you see is not what you get, not when it comes to how a person looks anyways. Quite honestly, this goes deeper, but I want to stay here for a moment. I want to stay on the surface, the cover of the book, what we see other people as. I am reminded occasionally by my daughter, who appears to view her cousins, who happen to be identical twins, as two completely different people. The adults stammer about as these girls must cater to us when we get the name wrong, as though each day we have to be reintroduced. My daughter is given a gift to give to one, the adults cross their fingers as she starts walking to...

In elementary school there was this sales program to raise funds for school equipment or something. I have no clue what the money from sales of chocolates went towards, just that it was a yearly thing and it always happened early in the school year so that the mostly-obligated customers (parents co-wroker of parents, neighbors) would get their over-priced candies or popcorn by Thanksgiving. I remember having a little bit of funds to where I could buy from myself as well. Essentially, get high on my own supply. Looking through the pages of a book full of goodies, was like me in a candy....wait, literally I was in a candy store and I was able to get whatever I wanted. The catch, I had to wait months, when I could go to the gas station and purchase something now. However, these candies were not just regular candies, they were labeled as, " The World's Finest Chocolates. " Yes, I remember taking the title literally as though we were dealing a delicacy to the public, pro...

People like the idea of numbers. We like that we can measure and determine if something is enough or not, if something has been accomplished or failed. When we simply say something is, "better," this isn't anything other than a cloud of unknown. We can use, "better" to justify based on our assumption, or we can use, "better" as a deterrent, as though if that's as good as it gets, then forget it. As an adolescent, specifically here, my Sophomore and Junior year in high school, I suffered from what I would reflect on as an eating disorder, anorexia. Now, I know what you're thinking right here, and this isn't the lifetime version of a boy gone wrong. This started out so innocent, as a subtle way to lose weight. I was unable to see at the time that I had an unbalanced approach with how I dealt with things. Instead of having a natural shut off, I latched on to things and went after them until they were mine. Weight-loss became no different. ...

Leaving the gym on an early Friday morning has me remiss. I miss relying on the gym for the quality of my day. I miss the feeling of achieving the size and strength once felt. I miss the complements I thought I received. I miss the massive two bowls of oatmeal and four eggs before and after workouts. I no longer need that much now. I no longer need more than an hour in that place anymore. What I don't miss says more about me. I no longer miss the excess-driven way I lived. I no longer miss the competition I perceived, contributing to a negative environment. Sure, I see a guy, he's leaner or he's stronger, better looking, none of that is hard to find, and I make my snap judgment, but I let it pass now. I remind myself what it is I who am guilty and this man or woman is not the problem. The Seven deadly sins are as follows: Pride Greed Lust Envy  Gluttony Wrath Sloth In the prime of bodybuilding/excessive dependence on the gym for a physique I wanted to de...

Mental health treatment typically focuses on behaviors. Therapy centers around what “behaviors” interfere with a person’s contentment. However, as humans tend to do, our behaviors change from week to week, therefore, what is worked on or processed in one session changes to the next. One week, there is a crisis, something that we cannot possibly make it through, and the next, we are relatively OK. "OK," for the moment that is. A therapist’s office, should be comfortable, neat enough, for too neat can be intimidating, and comfortable. There should be a desk somewhere, a cozy place to sit, maybe even something to look at. A picture can take the focus from an intense conversation, or as in my own sessions I stare at trees which are so beautiful this time of year. I am comfortable here, it is not home, because home can be stressful. The office is of a comfortable temperature and the smell either of nothing, or something lightly pleasant. Despite the conditions of an office bein...

That look, a reminder of a former self, a self that was better than this version now. That man I used to be, he was so much better than me now. He was muscular and cool, though he didn't see it at the time. This man gets brought back up whenever he is reminded of the superficial presentation of others he used to be, "in the mix" with. 5 years ago! That man, that front of a person, for he lacked anything real, he is exactly as I remember him, anything anyone else liked. He was a ghost, a mirage, giving everybody everything they ever wanted, at the cost of him. This was not noble, or, "nice" it was for selfish gain, for you to like him and gather admiration. Even a cloud or fog finds resistance to an airplane to vehicle passing through. He wasn't valuable, but was merely Santa's bag, giving the kids whatever they asked for. His own wealth put off, converted to a currency of here and now, that same "now," that is over, with no lasting benef...