Would You Sign This?
Leaving the gym on an early Friday morning has me remiss. I miss relying on the gym for the quality of my day. I miss the feeling of achieving the size and strength once felt. I miss the complements I thought I received. I miss the massive two bowls of oatmeal and four eggs before and after workouts. I no longer need that much now. I no longer need more than an hour in that place anymore.
What I don't miss says more about me. I no longer miss the excess-driven way I lived. I no longer miss the competition I perceived, contributing to a negative environment. Sure, I see a guy, he's leaner or he's stronger, better looking, none of that is hard to find, and I make my snap judgment, but I let it pass now. I remind myself what it is I who am guilty and this man or woman is not the problem.
The Seven deadly sins are as follows:
Pride
Greed
Lust
Envy
Gluttony
Wrath
Sloth
In the prime of bodybuilding/excessive dependence on the gym for a physique I wanted to define me as a person, I engaged in all of the sins everyday in some way. Pride was what kept me going, for I was too weak to admit my lack of confidence, working out covered me like a blanket, masking what I thought others couldn't see. Greed, for I wanted more, more muscle, more compliments, more admiration, I wanted it all. Sadly, lust, for one of the worst parts of the gym is the reveling clothing, the bending, sweating, grunting, hyper-sexual atmosphere that got to me. Some days it was what drove me to get into the gym at all, just to see the girl in the small shorts, which as trends change, the girl in the tight pants, and so on. I was Envious of everyone and what they had and continued to work harder at ONE thing I knew how to do. Gluttony and Sloth were what muscle building meant to me. Eat more, continue to engage in an activity that contributes nothing back to society. I was selfish, indulging my own need for compliments. This was MY motive and it destroyed me, destroyed anything, there was nothing authentic, there was no quality, just more taking.
Wrath comes in a hyper-masculine environment. It is promoted like another protein drink. Be angry, get mad, hit a guy. "Luke, did you beat his ass?" That's what we want as men, handle it, put the hurt on him. Testosterone in excess amounts has a way of contributing to the problems, affecting sleep, appetite, mood. I'm not going to play on the media's depiction of "road rage" for it makes a good story is about it, but I will tell you that environment affects the genes that are exposed and being constantly annoyed with the world, and thinking you're better than, wears a person's tolerance down.
This is what I signed up for. I signed the contract as a youth whom wanted to find love and did it the best way he knew how, by covering up, pretending, and feeding off the environment like a suckerfish eating other's turds.
This is in no way to indicate that anyone who loves the gym was like me. Actually the opposite. I see the people who can do it and give back. I see the social people who like to get moving, push themselves, become more positive and encourage others. I love to see the community a gym at 4:30 AM provides, for why the heck else would we get up at this time?
This was about me, my motive, and anyone else that can relate, or notices an imbalance of self dedicated to something that provides nothing in return. If someone would have put a contract in front of me at 17 years old and said sign it, agreeing to all of these things, there is no way I would have signed up for that level of pain, only to avoid being the person I was meant to grow into. A stunt in life that I continue to learn from, one that hopefully you can too.
Castle-broken is my life story regarding early eating disorders and evolving into a body image disorder known as Muscle Dysmorphia aka Bigorexia. The book is available HERE. For anyone who needs to understand what this thing can do to a person or to learn about a loved one.
God Bless.
What I don't miss says more about me. I no longer miss the excess-driven way I lived. I no longer miss the competition I perceived, contributing to a negative environment. Sure, I see a guy, he's leaner or he's stronger, better looking, none of that is hard to find, and I make my snap judgment, but I let it pass now. I remind myself what it is I who am guilty and this man or woman is not the problem.
The Seven deadly sins are as follows:
Pride
Greed
Lust
Envy
Gluttony
Wrath
Sloth
In the prime of bodybuilding/excessive dependence on the gym for a physique I wanted to define me as a person, I engaged in all of the sins everyday in some way. Pride was what kept me going, for I was too weak to admit my lack of confidence, working out covered me like a blanket, masking what I thought others couldn't see. Greed, for I wanted more, more muscle, more compliments, more admiration, I wanted it all. Sadly, lust, for one of the worst parts of the gym is the reveling clothing, the bending, sweating, grunting, hyper-sexual atmosphere that got to me. Some days it was what drove me to get into the gym at all, just to see the girl in the small shorts, which as trends change, the girl in the tight pants, and so on. I was Envious of everyone and what they had and continued to work harder at ONE thing I knew how to do. Gluttony and Sloth were what muscle building meant to me. Eat more, continue to engage in an activity that contributes nothing back to society. I was selfish, indulging my own need for compliments. This was MY motive and it destroyed me, destroyed anything, there was nothing authentic, there was no quality, just more taking.
Wrath comes in a hyper-masculine environment. It is promoted like another protein drink. Be angry, get mad, hit a guy. "Luke, did you beat his ass?" That's what we want as men, handle it, put the hurt on him. Testosterone in excess amounts has a way of contributing to the problems, affecting sleep, appetite, mood. I'm not going to play on the media's depiction of "road rage" for it makes a good story is about it, but I will tell you that environment affects the genes that are exposed and being constantly annoyed with the world, and thinking you're better than, wears a person's tolerance down.
This is what I signed up for. I signed the contract as a youth whom wanted to find love and did it the best way he knew how, by covering up, pretending, and feeding off the environment like a suckerfish eating other's turds.
This is in no way to indicate that anyone who loves the gym was like me. Actually the opposite. I see the people who can do it and give back. I see the social people who like to get moving, push themselves, become more positive and encourage others. I love to see the community a gym at 4:30 AM provides, for why the heck else would we get up at this time?
Castle-broken is my life story regarding early eating disorders and evolving into a body image disorder known as Muscle Dysmorphia aka Bigorexia. The book is available HERE. For anyone who needs to understand what this thing can do to a person or to learn about a loved one.
God Bless.
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