Insidious Adaptation

Honestly, I am writing this as I have just eaten a can of fish, some of those zucchini noodles, and a few too many nuts for my own liking, trying to avoid eating more because for some reason it didn't seem to suffice. It was as though I was waiting for something, some texture, some misplaced ingredient that I craved and filled on alternatives, like a pitcher with a strong fast ball, walking the batter. Nutritionally, there were the fats, the proteins, carbs were low, but I've done that for a while now, so it's not that big of a deal. It had been about four hours since the last meal, which isn't anything to write about, except here of course, where one's mind is allowed to roam. One thing worthy of note is the irritability I have experienced the past few days. A frustration in getting things done. I am able to accomplish my tasks, yet I have no hope they will be any good. The struggle has been real, in other words, a sort of muddy feel to my days, all with a fa...

The standards that once sufficed as a remedy for a deeper problem, a missed attempt to resolve, no longer enough. A “higher” standard, a “better” person, more resolve, more passion, essentially all driven by more will. Our will? The same will that led us here, this place of necessary resolve, a recognition of a fault that needs altered to avoid further consequences imposed by ourselves? If WILL could get us there, then why, again, are we here? Why must we even have to state a claim of needing to change any external part, if the internal desire and will to change was enough? Why must me make this bold claim of change, when in actuality, we change nothing at all. We presume that the next time we want something, we will say no, we will reject that desire with such a will and determination to alter ourselves, that the formerly problematic desire will cower to our wills, run away crying at our demanding self. We demand change, we will it. Yet, here we are, another year, a few ...