Not Quite.
Honestly, I am writing this as I have just eaten a can of fish, some of those zucchini noodles, and a few too many nuts for my own liking, trying to avoid eating more because for some reason it didn't seem to suffice. It was as though I was waiting for something, some texture, some misplaced ingredient that I craved and filled on alternatives, like a pitcher with a strong fast ball, walking the batter.
Nutritionally, there were the fats, the proteins, carbs were low, but I've done that for a while now, so it's not that big of a deal. It had been about four hours since the last meal, which isn't anything to write about, except here of course, where one's mind is allowed to roam.
One thing worthy of note is the irritability I have experienced the past few days. A frustration in getting things done. I am able to accomplish my tasks, yet I have no hope they will be any good. The struggle has been real, in other words, a sort of muddy feel to my days, all with a familiar reminder that food, even healthy food, is here to comfort. After all, when you are truly hungry, real foods are satisfyingly stimulating, and in the meals I made yesterday, one with Brussel sprouts, coconut oil and some sardines spiced with some smoked Paprika, I would have sworn a restaurant chief was in my kitchen. Nope, just me, yet the meal, it's heavy contents, did not satisfy either and honestly, tasted too good, like I was in NEED of it.
The irritability is the most intriguing throughout all of this. The mood and outlook, a reminder of a temperament I have tried to get away from, only to have it pull me back in, holding me down, trying to choke any joy out of life. This go-to I have inside of me, this natural criticalness sometimes, takes hold of me and the only way I know how to deal, or at least what I have done in the past, is to distract. In many cases writing helps, per this writing. In other cases, exercise or reading seems to do the trick. Still, however, there are those times where I have written plenty, exercised excessively, eaten actual food, and I am searching for something more. Cue to the food train.
Food has always stimulated me more than I know it does for other people. When I get a good meal, it takes me away, fixes everything, paints a picture that the world is going to be OK. These meals have changed over the years for they used to be Hot Pockets and chips when now they are vegetables cooked in coconut oil with some eggs or fish and just the right amount of hot sauce. These meals, I am proud to admit, suffice as fulfilling. No more need for the excess of breads, cheeses, fried meats, etc., For this took work too achieve, finding value in real food.
Today however, seems to be the perfect storm. All situations pointing to me in the basement, typing away while the cupboards of nuts, nut butters, and various kinds of alternative flours (coconut or flax) calling me, tempting me to make a sweet alternative with the flax, the nuts, the some stevia sweetener, the protein powder, a mixture I am failure with to satiate a sweet desire. This is not normal, these are not everyday FOODS, this reliance on something else I know all to well. Excess will not get me through this, understanding and properly coping will. this is what I too have learned and what I must use, every day, sometimes more than others.
For a look into the mental health detriment known as Body Image disorders, specifically Muscle Dysmorphia, click HERE.
Nutritionally, there were the fats, the proteins, carbs were low, but I've done that for a while now, so it's not that big of a deal. It had been about four hours since the last meal, which isn't anything to write about, except here of course, where one's mind is allowed to roam.
One thing worthy of note is the irritability I have experienced the past few days. A frustration in getting things done. I am able to accomplish my tasks, yet I have no hope they will be any good. The struggle has been real, in other words, a sort of muddy feel to my days, all with a familiar reminder that food, even healthy food, is here to comfort. After all, when you are truly hungry, real foods are satisfyingly stimulating, and in the meals I made yesterday, one with Brussel sprouts, coconut oil and some sardines spiced with some smoked Paprika, I would have sworn a restaurant chief was in my kitchen. Nope, just me, yet the meal, it's heavy contents, did not satisfy either and honestly, tasted too good, like I was in NEED of it.
The irritability is the most intriguing throughout all of this. The mood and outlook, a reminder of a temperament I have tried to get away from, only to have it pull me back in, holding me down, trying to choke any joy out of life. This go-to I have inside of me, this natural criticalness sometimes, takes hold of me and the only way I know how to deal, or at least what I have done in the past, is to distract. In many cases writing helps, per this writing. In other cases, exercise or reading seems to do the trick. Still, however, there are those times where I have written plenty, exercised excessively, eaten actual food, and I am searching for something more. Cue to the food train.
Today however, seems to be the perfect storm. All situations pointing to me in the basement, typing away while the cupboards of nuts, nut butters, and various kinds of alternative flours (coconut or flax) calling me, tempting me to make a sweet alternative with the flax, the nuts, the some stevia sweetener, the protein powder, a mixture I am failure with to satiate a sweet desire. This is not normal, these are not everyday FOODS, this reliance on something else I know all to well. Excess will not get me through this, understanding and properly coping will. this is what I too have learned and what I must use, every day, sometimes more than others.For a look into the mental health detriment known as Body Image disorders, specifically Muscle Dysmorphia, click HERE.
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