Failure.

When I first graduated with my bachelor's degree after seven years of in and out of school, many degree switches, and goal-interfering behaviors, I finally got my first job in my field. Little did I know that first job was going to be working at a group home with adolescent boys whom had a criminal rap sheet larger than grown men I would later work with. The funniest part of the job was that the first time I went in for the interview I had to take a basic math exam, which I failed. My pride interfered with my ability to conduct basic, elementary-level mathematics and budget a grocery ledger.

"I'm sorry Mr. Meier, you failed the math test, you are not eligible for hire at this time."

The words shook through my body, crumbled my foundation, made me reflect on every other inadequacy that was now exposed. Pain searing through my temples, a throbbing that made me want to lash out at him, the HR guy (whom later became a Facebook friend). I wanted to hurt someone, I wanted to self-destruct. My vulnerabilities were exposed.

...

When I was asked to present my Tedx Talk, I thought that this was it for me. I thought I was about to take off. At this time in my life I had just published a book, I was booked pretty full outside of my full-time counseling job for nutrition clients, and now a TED TALK? Wow, was I going to love being a success story and show all those, "haters" what's up?

My talk, shown here, was not good. Now, as a courtesy, other people will say it, "isn't that bad," however it was bad, here's why. My whole intent with the talk was self promotion. I didn't do anything for the greater good. I convinced myself it was, I really wanted to believe it was, but in the end, the thing that trumped it all was I wanted you to know and love me. A failure from start to finish.

...

In June of 2017 after many a submissions, two years of writing, research, editing, emails, and early, early mornings, my book, Castle-Broken was picked up by an independent publishing company, Tenth Street Press. I was bless, for after so many rejections I started to ask God if I was meant to do something with this work, and if I wasn't then I was to accept that. After the contract came, I signed the rights, then it was only a matter of time before the book was published, thus allowing me to do all my own promoting. 

Here's a bit of information about independent book publishers, they publish. That is pretty much it. They do not have the budget to promote, they are in the business of unknown authors to become known, however all the marketing and advertisements are up to the author. I am that author, I have the burden of marketing, however marketing is also very expensive, so I abuse the free, social media like it is my own playground. 

Nonetheless, my intent for Castle-Broken was checked long ago, for I no longer care about self promotion outside of what is necessary to deliver a message. My intent is to help, which is why I placed my own vulnerabilities out there for others to feel like someone understands them. I want, at the least, a person to feel comforted in knowing that what they feel or think is not just them; many people suffer, it does suck, and it is very invasive. 

I failed. By the world's standards of success, I failed. My sales since last December are here: 

Now, why would I expose my own very humiliating failures (after much processing this morning)? With an intent to help, I feel that this may be my best opportunity to do so. I want to run away, quit, scream at all the wasted time and effort I am made to feel. However, I don't truly feel that way. I feel more blessed than ever. I truly know that things happen for a reason, and somewhere along the way this, "failure" is a success. Maybe the one person who needed it, got it, and I will never know that success, but it was all I prayed for when setting out to do this. 

Failures, aren't anything but a perception, don't let your environment (or in my case, self-doubt) get in the way of what you are doing for other people. A selfish motive is met as such. Do for others what you would like done to you. 

As for that first failed math test, I did get that job. At the time I got it, I just so happened to meet my wife at the same place. So yea, I'd say a failed math test was probably my biggest success to date. 

God Bless. 

If you are interested in the book however, click HERE.