Insidious Adaptation

I am cancer free, well, at least the lump in my leg isn’t cancerous, or should I say, it wasn't felt to be cancerous. The best part of this all, was that for a few minutes today as I drove to the doctor’s office to pull down my pants for two nurse practitioners, yes, all before 9AM, I had a glimpse of what life could be like if I were to be stricken with a disease that kills its hosts.  Not to be dramatic, but that’s what I do, that’s what anxiety does, for worst case scenarios are the only way my mind knows what to do with information. It happens without effort, like slipping down a slide, for I typically recognize the thought, and move on. This time however, I decided to stay. I stayed on the thought process of what life would look like if I were to truly have cancer and the treatment options and the lifestyle that would then be my lifestyle. My first thought, was, my daughter. For I love her so, however, as much as I love her, and as much as I think I can contribute...

In a former life, telling people what to do, or not to do, wasn't the question, however it was who they gave credit to which meant more. I was consumed by being the one to help, with the right answers, for it is what I needed and was the THING that drove me to be the guy you would go to for those answers. I would read material, the argument to that material, and worse of all, I would find "sales tactics" to entice people that I was the ONE and not "THAT OTHER PLACE." "The other place," was anyone, anywhere, that wasn't me, for I was the one who could present the material in THAT unique way, so therefore if you didn't get the results, I was hurt, worthless, for nobody should ever talk to me again. If you can relate to this mindset, I thank you, and hopefully you are willing, at least in secret, to admit these thoughts, for they do not sound good when they come out. The reason I write them, again, is validation, and to let people in on a few...

Seeing and feeling the hurt in one's eyes is a gift some say, an empath is what I have read, the ability to connect and feel what another person feels at a heightened level. This, something I have done since childhood, without awareness that other people don't naturally do this, or understand other people in that way. I can look back over the foundation of my own perspective in life and see that I was always adapting to what I perceived other people felt or wanted and therefore led me to being "liked" in many ways. The problem was and still is, is that people only like what is presented without actually liking me. The hardest thing one can do is to understand that other people think and perceive differently than they do. I was always influenced by why certain people did things, why they were able just to be, "cool," and it wasn't something I could just mimic. In high school, I had a friend named Eric, he was popular, and good at sports, and well, ju...

Michael:  Wait. You forgetting something? Oscar:  What? Michael:  This chat. Two men, one white, one latina. A boss and a money cruncher. I could fire you. Oscar:  What's your point. Michael:  My point is... that as long as people like you and me don't stop talking, nobody can stop the USA. The other day I was in the gas station and overheard a couple arguing over by the fountain soda station about something unrelated to soda, however they were still together and both seemed to agree on one thing, to drink a soda. If a robber were to come into the gas station and threaten the lives of its customers, would whatever the couple had a disagreement on still exist? Would the once large instance of disagreement, more than likely a miscommunication, be a memory in the face of losing the life of a partner? In this instance, the opposition from which the couple had toward one another, a differing of opinions, would switch to the opposition against them, no longer mak...

Is it not respectable to just “be” anymore? Must we continue to, “put ourselves out there,” or is that my competitive perspective of the environment kicking in again? Am I enough without the likes and reposts of another? Maybe not. Maybe I am being held down by the digital code I place all my value in, as though it means love, when it is barely recognition. Maybe I could be like an eagle, soaring high, a spirituality untouched, advanced by deeper understanding unexplainable in word form. Maybe I am supposed to be greater than the social media likes and the internet memes I cling too for attention. Maybe, just maybe, this is the devil’s way of reinforcing shame inside of me, and his way of keeping me worldly. After all, spending time on social media is considered worldly, even if you are just looking at Christian posts, you might not be able to skip past all the “booty” pictures, “cleavage shots” and other sexual innuendos that I too become guilty of repeating, laughing, or secretly ...

As an average child raised primarily in the 90’s video games were still at their infancy in terms of their regularity in people’s lives. I mean, yea, Atari was around like 20 years before my time, but it wasn’t like a staple in a household yet. Not like the 90s brought about, not like our house anyways. Nintendo was cool, Sega was fine, but when the Nintendo 64 came about, and a game called Gauntlet Legends was discovered, my brothers and I had the ability to take our bickering to another realm.  The game was set up so that all players shared the same screen, so, the further players got away from each other, the more zoomed out the screen got, leaving tiny bumbling figures at ends of the screen, sometimes stuck, glitches we found early on in the game. Sometimes if a heard of bad guys came out and attacked one member of our group, then the rest could run away and leave him to lose all of his life. When a chest or food was found, life-giving forces in the game, there was a scr...

What’s the best way to determine if you’re hungry? That’s right, being born into another body with an alternative mind, one that knows when to eat and has not yet been tained by the highly processed, stimulation provided by the entertainment-driven society we live in and adapted the priority of food as this "comfort" as you may have done, subconsciously of course. That, my friends, is one way to guarantee that you will now only eat when truly necessary. If you are unwilling to do a Black Mirrors act, thus being a new, improved version with some twist of a consequence, then I suggest eating foods that are actually used for their intent. If eating for entertainment then you will choose entertaining foods. If you are eating for hunger, then foods that actually satisfy hunger, what the body requires at the time in the amount it needs at the time, will be what is desired.  Now, this can be as specific or general as you want, but essentially, you want one-ingredient foods, f...