Woman!

Is it not respectable to just “be” anymore? Must we continue to, “put ourselves out there,” or is that my competitive perspective of the environment kicking in again? Am I enough without the likes and reposts of another? Maybe not. Maybe I am being held down by the digital code I place all my value in, as though it means love, when it is barely recognition. Maybe I could be like an eagle, soaring high, a spirituality untouched, advanced by deeper understanding unexplainable in word form. Maybe I am supposed to be greater than the social media likes and the internet memes I cling too for attention. Maybe, just maybe, this is the devil’s way of reinforcing shame inside of me, and his way of keeping me worldly. After all, spending time on social media is considered worldly, even if you are just looking at Christian posts, you might not be able to skip past all the “booty” pictures, “cleavage shots” and other sexual innuendos that I too become guilty of repeating, laughing, or secretly gawking at. 

As a woman, is it acceptable to, “be yourself” or am I missing on how sexuality might be an actual representation of you and your “style?” Or, is sexuality the tool you use to grab attention, stand on stage with so many other performers, going in with higher standards, but slowly and surely giving in to what seems to work. After all, I have not run across a swimsuit picture that doesn’t have at least 100 likes, even if they only have 65 friends. For even the “larger” builds are praised as “standing up for body shaming,” when they might not have wanted to stand for anything, just thought the suit was cute and wanted to wear it. Not every woman posting herself in revealing attire has to “stand” for something, do they? Isn’t that merely reinforcing that we are not enough and need the validation of others to be so? #bodypositive or #selflove should not involve a motive for likes, because it defeats the positivity or the love and instead reinforces the shame by looking elsewhere for it.  

Can the women who feel the need to post seductive photos masqueraded as “progress” or “Body love” just be honest with self and therefore the audience. 

“Hey world, I really think I look great, and I wanted to show you too.” (a noble-enough reason)

Or, 

“Hey, I feel like a cow here and am looking for reassurance on this one.”  (Another bit of truth)

Now, that will get a like from me, one thumbs up or heart, or some other form of acknowledgement. The reason would not be the picture, but the headline admitting vulnerability, honesty, truth, something I find noble, attractive even. However, at some point to really empower yourself, you are going to have to just be, like without posting, without reassurance, but I know that takes time, after all, you don’t see any modern photos of me popping up without a shirt on. 

LOL. 

Women, it’s OK, this from a man not indicating any form of authority for you, to be OK. I tell guys the same thing for we are all powerful beings, capable of self-actualization, defining the odds, and taking something as never been done before and not making it a challenge, but a reality. Boundaries reinforced as though girls can be allowed, or girls can now do…, or worse, is when the legal system continues to reinforce male superiority by charging women and men different in battery and domestic assault cases. Custody cases, where mom automatically gets more and dad pays, when both parties are just as capable, or when TV commercials, such as the one I saw from Google, talk about standing for women, when I think you are already standing for yourselves and do not need men to allow or acknowledge, even worse, advocate, on your behalf. Me supporting women’s rights is me supporting the rights of homosexuals, African Americans, males, for none is any more different, nor more important than the other. 

To advocate isn’t to speak for, stand up, or represent, but it can be done in ways with peers, reminding them of what is being said, how it sounds, and not arguing or debating, “the right way,” but rather simply repeating what is said, like a recording, and reiterating if that is what the speaker intended. Many times, subtle discrimination occurs without the person even being aware, again the advocacy, again the subtle ways men still view women, based on an old system where frailty must have been the thought. Not now, for times may have not changes the biology and therefore potential for women, and now merely indicates they have been allowed to or something, but always could have. The playing field is equal, a woman can advocate for herself or a man, as much as I could, as much as you could, and they could, and if there is any interference the party demanding rights continuing to stand, fight, believe, unite, assert power. 

“Men have to be aware of themselves these days.” A response to sexual allegations, one that is disgusting, insensitive, and downright denying truth that what is being reported has not gone on since the dawn of man. Men have been raping, taking concubines, and holding wife’s as their most valued possessions throughout history, so because they are being reported now doesn’t make them any more relevant, it is merely America’s way of something to talk about, advocate for. The right and wrong are not what is in question, as much as is the intent of the perp. The man who groped a women, used derogatory language around them, hinted at a sexual innuendo, etc. These intents are as vast and convoluted as there are drops of water in the ocean. Yet, each one is coming from some intent, some unmet need, some expectation, a narcissistic response to another’s opinion, denying their wants as though they are less than, a perspective again, as old as the world, as young as time. 

Women and men, we are different, not just hormonally, how the environment treats us, but because, we were made differently, soul and all. We are children of God and the differences between us do exist, however they do not have to be “less thans” or “greater thans,” but just be. Society likes to classify, determine hierarchy, and men’s superior strength, a hormonal response, indicates that we worked and women cared for the children, something that baffles me as a “less than” chore, because it is nowhere close to easier than physical labor, it is mental and it is draining. Women seen inside the home, caring for the family, while dad provided resources is as equal as one side of the apple to another, yet, somewhere we went off course, determined that women didn’t have as much value as men and that meant they could be taken advantage of put down, cast aside for mere pleasure. 

Women, if you see your sexuality as empowering as some strong feminists believe, then great, if that is the motive to show power, however asserting power is not the way to equal the playing field, if anything it reinforces a power battle, one where the defending champs will most likely win aka the men. May I suggest, which is beyond my scope, and potentially advocating, that instead of sexually asserting self for likes, showing what you have underneath, you take that same effort and you put it into action of what a powerful person would do, leading by example. Truth says if you feel invalidated, you advocate, just like I have too when my own size seems to discriminate me, seriously though, it happens. 

Sex sells, but to who? Advocating is not about power or selling, but is about truth, honesty, education, and admitting vulnerability to empower other women, not to “compete” but to attend, show up, do what they feel they can do. It might take a long time for equality to truly be a thing, however unfair that sounds, but what can happen is you knowing that you are doing the best you can with what you’ve got. A pure intent can lead you places you haven’t even dreamt of yet. As for the rest, it is a sinful, unbalanced world, one where equality is not the norm, yet, living a life of purpose is the most fulfilling lifestyle there is. 

God Bless. 

Inadequacies in men cause shame-responses, such as shows of domination over women. I have written a book to assist the men, to allow vulnerability and sharing and therefore equality and less dominance needing to be displayed. 

Castle-Broken: When Appearances are Everything. Sold Here.