Insidious Adaptation

What do you gain from this one? What do you gain from the loss of the most valuable thing in your life? What do we gain but a shorter rope to death, a day nearer to the end of this human condition. Yes, the treatments are many, for we can eat these foods, increase workouts, decrease stress, have more sex, take these pills, however the end result is still the same, a failed attempt to extend both guanitity and quality of time. What one does with their time here is indiciative of the value they find in life. That thing that you never get back, there is no receipt, no court case that can demand large amounts of it in return for malpractice. There is no guarantee that you will get any more from the doing the aforementioned things. The things that you might not even want to do, but were instructed to.  For me, consuming, “heatlhy” foods does nothing more than assist in control of my eating, reducing impulsive and craving driven behaviors. I cannot eat the highly processed, nutrie...

Shame seeping into the brain, like a molasses being poured over a rotten apple, slowly the tainted fruit engulfed in a brown, sticky substance no longer seen, for now it is a mere blob of that which consumed it. The treachery of the feeling, enough to fuel poor decisions in life to try and escape, avoid, compensate even. The feeling was there upon waking up, like it existed before my conscious mind did, like it knew of the world and it was here to show me how hard it was going to make this place.  Since the dawn of fallen man, shame has existed to remind us of our overall wicked ways. In Genesis 3:7, Adam and Eve cover themselves with fig leaves to indicate a shame from the Lord for going against what he asked. Shame is supposed to be a benefit in some way, for all emotions are. If we are living with inefficient emotions, then is this not like the digestive system deciding not to do its job, only to have the food sit, rot, producing life-threatening situations? Our bodies are t...

Why must it be like this? Why can I not just have my cake and eat it too? Why must there be this tether to the middle preventing me from going too far in one direction, no matter the motive, yanking me back with a painful reminder of my imbalance? I only want to eat a little more, or workout a little less, things that my logical mind knows it has to do, but the other part of me, my emotional side, says “no.” This battle, like two divorced parents fighting for custody simply to spite the other, weighs in my mind like a stone unmovable. No, I will not wake up one day, skip the gym and lack anxiety about getting fat later, and no I will not go to the gym excessively and not be fatigued or consumed by old behaviors, no matter how much I romanticize a return to the 2-hour gym sessions twice a day. Neither of these will occur, nor will I ever rid my mind of this part of me, as apparent as my own personality. In fact, it is my personality, my temperament even, for man does not compartmentali...

"A bold move." Some will say.  "I don't agree, and F that guy pushing his views on me with a title like that!" Scream others.  "Ah, what a nice young man." Say those who might know of me, yet wouldn't read the post.  "I don't like his writing." As more scroll by with enough on their wall today to write their own books.  What are we missing here? Where is that Lego block we thought we had, misplaced, the piece of the puzzle, critical to the complete picture, we just can't find? What did we just spend four hours on, if not to finish this thing? Why did we wait until the last piece to figure out if there is even a possible conclusion?  Life is such an all expansive view of an entire existence summed into these four little letters. For some, they decide to equate their life to four larger, more adult letters, the first one s and the last t, yes, there it is. Whether we are choosing to have this s--t life o...

The call of a donut, the freedom of a bag of chips, the nostalgia of holiday cookies, the bulk of a bag of candy, all things that once were, are no more.  It was in the first Matrix where I learned how ignorance is "bliss," and once you give it up, the consequences that ensue. For me, the problems that obtaining nutrition knowledge caused was the loss of innocent pleasure food once brought about resulting inn a sort of sadness. The reminders of boxes of cereals, bowls of ice cream, or bags of candy, all enhancing a good time. I loved the textures, the smells, the tastes, of food. Real food too, real ingredients as well. I like them all, though I tended to seek more stimulation thus averting from satiation, for they all do something different to the brain, preventing any lackadaisical boredom.  The problem is that early in life, due to what I believe to be a combination of environmental components and genetic predisposition, I relied on food for something else, some...

A catch in the lower back, aesthetically, in the butt, for the pain is below my waist band. When I push on the area I can feel the tighten ball of inflammation, a spot and feeling I am very familiar with. This pain was self-induced, for I went too far, too long, "too hard?" shall I say. It comes and goes like a pain in my trapezius or the upper portion of my back. Never anything major, just a pain, a sensitivity reminding me of my limits. I had no plans for a change in routine for I get aches and pains often and figure if you let those stop you in life then you might as well just stay in bed. I went to the gym with the intent to lift the lower half of my extremities, legs. Now, the legs portion of a workout involves, though it is not necessarily supposed to, a lot of lower back. Simple things from shifting weight to an initial oomph to get the bar off the rack, more prevalent than one would take note. What I noticed on this trip to the ever-so-busy gym, even at 4:30 in t...

In a house recently purchased, heated to comfort, in clothes recently cleaned, with a sippy-cup full of organic cream and milk, while a pure-bread dog sleeps at the foot of a recently purchased couch, as a 55-inch TV displays the high definition cooking show, a child, healthy in both brain and lungs apparently, throws down her baby in what her parents can best describe as “boredom.” This child’s evening has not gone so well thus far, from getting picked up by a mom whom is understanding, healthy, beautiful, from a day care that is caring, loving, intimate, this child demanded stimulation due to having an abundance all day. It appears to no longer suffice merely haveing people listen to what ever jumbled sentence a 2-year-old’s mind can put together, but she requires stimulation as well. No longer does mere existence excite the family, but discipline and progression past fits of tantrums are the new standard.   An evening of ups and downs the child seems easily agitated by thin...