Deep Pain.

A catch in the lower back, aesthetically, in the butt, for the pain is below my waist band. When I push on the area I can feel the tighten ball of inflammation, a spot and feeling I am very familiar with. This pain was self-induced, for I went too far, too long, "too hard?" shall I say. It comes and goes like a pain in my trapezius or the upper portion of my back. Never anything major, just a pain, a sensitivity reminding me of my limits. I had no plans for a change in routine for I get aches and pains often and figure if you let those stop you in life then you might as well just stay in bed. I went to the gym with the intent to lift the lower half of my extremities, legs.

Now, the legs portion of a workout involves, though it is not necessarily supposed to, a lot of lower back. Simple things from shifting weight to an initial oomph to get the bar off the rack, more prevalent than one would take note. What I noticed on this trip to the ever-so-busy gym, even at 4:30 in the morning, is that I actually over-use my back quite a bit. A sharp reminder shooting up my side as I shift weight and bend over to pick something up. It’s odd how the body can push hundreds of pounds, yet, I couldn’t get the weight on the rack." I’m stiff," is all I could muster through the blaring headphones to a 90’s boy band song I would rather not divulge. What I knew was that it was probably “best” to avoid doing any of these movements, especially with weight. What I was able to gain from this session at the gym, despite a constant reminder of pride spoiling the contentment I seek, was that I actually focused on the intended muscle group versus allowing the body to so easily slip into complacency. 

What I then proceeded to do after all focus had to be on not using my lower back to bend, twist, or lift, and throwing myself on a stair-stepper to burn off any extra bit of energy, was to think about that pain for a while, and yes, learn to appreciate the reminder. After all, was I not reminded of my limits for one, but then the fact that my typical movements actually used a lot of this area, probably more than I should? I was forced to see outside of myself onto the area that hurt and instead of letting it stop me, I had to be aware of it and how unhealthy my use was. 

Isn’t this typical of poor behaviors in our lives? These pesky little things we do, knowing they aren’t good for us, yet they aren’t, “that big of a deal.” We engage the dependence on caffeine or gossip too much or we present the negative side of things all because they are familiar, floating around unidentified, yet so destructive, a destruction only consequence reminds us of. 

Random gym pic. no. 3

I’ve written before about pain, the importance of its hoarding our attention, and this is really no different. This is another simple reminder that sometimes when we go too far and experience pain in its various forms, like physical pain, or guilt or shame, or even consequences outside of ourselves like jail, they can be a gain rather than a detriment. I gained an understanding and even appreciation for my body, even in the midst of what I consider to be a stupid pain in my butt related to age. I gained a great workout despite the pain because I was forced to focus on my purpose, at that moment, versus overcompensating with heavy weight just to shift it all to my back. Ouch. 

For more stories about a balance in mental health as it relates to body image disorder, something I am all-too-familiar with, click Here.