Insidious Adaptation

Influence has a way of altering our standard. Initially, our acts are noble and glorified, with influence, we see that our acts were not as favorable as originally thought to be. An idea of "higher standards," while in its infancy, impossible, for we can only do as well as we know with what we know at the time of doing it. Once we learn more or better ways to perform and identify underlying motives, the standard, just like our threshold of knowledge, also elevates. A plethora of information at our fingertips, self-help books, spiritual teachings, on-line material, counselors, healers, the Bible with the Psalms as a steady resource (not in this order I hope) are all here. Information to saturate the senses, overwhelm the mind with expectations of the highest caliber, and a self that is seemingly incapable of even a minuscule amount of achievement. His gift to us.  We are not incapable beings overall, however we are merely incapable of what is being asked of us. We are at ...

Honestly, I am writing this as I have just eaten a can of fish, some of those zucchini noodles, and a few too many nuts for my own liking, trying to avoid eating more because for some reason it didn't seem to suffice. It was as though I was waiting for something, some texture, some misplaced ingredient that I craved and filled on alternatives, like a pitcher with a strong fast ball, walking the batter. Nutritionally, there were the fats, the proteins, carbs were low, but I've done that for a while now, so it's not that big of a deal. It had been about four hours since the last meal, which isn't anything to write about, except here of course, where one's mind is allowed to roam. One thing worthy of note is the irritability I have experienced the past few days. A frustration in getting things done. I am able to accomplish my tasks, yet I have no hope they will be any good. The struggle has been real, in other words, a sort of muddy feel to my days, all with a fa...

The standards that once sufficed as a remedy for a deeper problem, a missed attempt to resolve, no longer enough. A “higher” standard, a “better” person, more resolve, more passion, essentially all driven by more will. Our will? The same will that led us here, this place of necessary resolve, a recognition of a fault that needs altered to avoid further consequences imposed by ourselves? If WILL could get us there, then why, again, are we here? Why must we even have to state a claim of needing to change any external part, if the internal desire and will to change was enough? Why must me make this bold claim of change, when in actuality, we change nothing at all. We presume that the next time we want something, we will say no, we will reject that desire with such a will and determination to alter ourselves, that the formerly problematic desire will cower to our wills, run away crying at our demanding self. We demand change, we will it. Yet, here we are, another year, a few ...

The re-release of Mario Kart for cell phones, proves that 2018 is the year for change. Finally, after all these years, all the changes for "good," along with all the broken promises and heartache, we have achieved the pinnacle of coming together. Yes we can. Yes we did. And yes, America is great Again! All of this knowing full well that Mario Kart is a Nintendo game and thus Japanese technology supported. But who cares right, this is America, we can claim it if we want. After all, I bet that we had some Americans on the team, or at least supporting the project. We probably had some person telling the team to make Peach sexier, make Toad gay, and make Luigi actually Louise, therefore all political correctness can be displayed and therefore avoidance of any potential lawsuit having Nintendo paying millions for, "the next big scandal." Maybe Bowser could be Indian, Yoshi could be black, and Mario himself, the star of the show, could be a Jewish plumber. There we ...

No, not in a sleigh or while celebrating anything, but simply laughing, and being merry all year round. It’s as a cliché as it gets, but you can really identify and live in the merriment throughout life, not just at the holidays. This does not make you better, but it allows things to be better, because there is a reason to do good work, outside of self when the environment is positive and supportive. By choosing to see the, "bad" or "negative," suppressing merriment, then it can be difficult to perform outside of self. Hostility promotes competition and survival is all that can be achieved. Survival at work, survival in relationships, social survival, survival of environment, being a part of, or choosing to see hostility therefore has no room for merriment, not to mention any organic laughter.  What can be the most difficult part of hostility is not merely the negativity, but as previously mentioned, the threat of it all. The idea that a person is unsafe, thus ...

The neurons are taking a break today. Whether it be the catch or the release in the synapse, or maybe even further down in the manufacturing department, there is a lack of something. I would say too much, however, I am familiar with this feeling. I am more insightful than to assume this is anything new, anything I am unfamiliar with, anything that I don’t already take medications for due to my apparent lack thereof. Even in this familiarity, there is a sense of nostalgia for a life I may have had without it, without this.  The feeling cannot be explained, or even fully understood, is all it can be is acknowledged and appreciated to some degree. Yes, I did mean appreciated. Appreciation for the “good” and the “bad” feelings, is really all I have left to do here, the only thing that matters, and the only thing worth wasting my time on. I could moan and groan, say poor me, or try to cover with caffeine or other things, but yet, underneath it all, it's still me. I am not defined b...

The pile is growing now, reminders of a food no longer stimulating enough to satisfy, more so a reflection of my indulgent self, alive and well. As time goes, decisions are made, and I inevitably become leaner in the process, I notice it. I feel the tinge of desire, one only processed foods seems to fill, one I cannot satisfy doing what I am doing now. That, right there, this pile of empty sweetener packets reminds me, if I allow it to set in, that I am not doing so well.  It’s a subtle thing really, to look at behaviors with minor internal consequences, easily overlooked as, "not that bad." It’s hard to take a look at behaviors, so easily justified, and hold myself to this stringent standard because I do know better. I took the blue pill after all, I followed the rabbit hole down as far as I could, I had to look at the Lost Arc, only to have my mind changed, forever. Ignorance is no longer a friend of mine. At one time, he was a friend, a best friend in fact, authen...