Chameleons?

Chameleons, are in fact, Chameleons. Not in what they are but in how they are a point of reference, an oftentimes derogatory one at that.

"I was a chameleon." - A client in reference to mimicking behaviors. The same ones that interfered with his ability to grow as his own person.

Chameleons are a distinctive and highly specialized clade of Old World lizards with 202 species described as of June 2015. These species come in a range of colors, and many species have the ability to change color.- Wikipedia circa 2018

What happens when what was originally meant to be an adaptive behavior, for we all adapt, turns into loss of self? When exactly is the threshold where a man, loses himself, takes on the qualities of the environment, and then suffers due to inauthenticity? If we all adapt and grow, then wouldn't being a chameleon, be a natural thing, like a good natural thing?

There is a line that we all cross sometimes where an efficient behavior turns into a troubled one. Where we go from eating a meal, to being stuffed. Where we go from a few casual beers to drunk. Where we go from "being busy" with work and school, to, "distracted" from family and friends. There is this perpetual balancing act that is supposed to come natural, but doesn't always seem to be so, especially to a person who adapts well to his or her environment, especially when they develop too well. The people who become their environment, no longer holding tight to their own convictions. No longer able to stand for what they, at their core, believe. This threshold seems to be crossed in the weaker people that just want love.

I mean, if we get to chose an animal,
I want to be a lion, or a grizzly bear. 

Maybe, we become what our environment wants because we have never felt love for our authentic self, and what we liked the environment said, "nah." Where what we tended to think was fun or entertaining or fascinating to discuss we were met with looks of disdain. Maybe we were so sensitive that we began "mind reading" and instead of getting told what we believed or liked wasn't appropriate, we "saw it in them."

Much of what I can write is in quotes, because they have been said to me, or I myself have said them. In fact, this seems to be one of the largest problems I personally have encountered in people that causes them to suffer. It seems as though there is this giving-in to the environment that is invalidating to the self, and then people suffer because they have this internal battle where they weren't even true to what they believe. Like they, at their core, or subconscious, or something more spiritual, know better, and they at their conscious, ego, frontal lobe or whatever, decided against it, to survive, thrive, be favored, or whatever. Like a tug of war that goes on inside the brain with what we should, or believe we should do, and then what we actually do.

I believe that this battle is different for every person and the people who naturally follow their convictions are at peace. Until they aren't. Even a narcissistic person follows what they believe to a fault. Taking the presentation a little too far, and therefore invalidating anyone that comes in contact with them, due to the necessary presentation of superiority that spews out of their persona.

A confident person, someone who seems to be the finish line, the goal, for human kind, they too can take their belief in self too far and instead of a steadfast stance in the world, their can be an unwavering ability to admit humility.

My prayer for you little girl is to be what you were meant to be,
not what you think you should be according to anyone else. 

The risk of losing connection or the ability to adapt is just as much a problem to the people who suffer as much as is wavering too much is. Neither are beneficial to the max, yet, we need both wavering and confidence in a balancing act.

One behavior that seems to suffice in all situations and naturally eradicates itself from being taken too extreme and causing problem, is self-sacrifice. A humble response to serve other people, with no other intention than to see what other people need and give it to them. There is no other behavior that can be adapted like service, and the giving-away of self that can be so beneficial, to eradicate the constant performance of a balancing act.

Go ahead, try it out. Give away time, money, love, whatever you hold most dear, give it away and see what happens. I mean, what have you really got to lose in this life other than another thing, or time, or approval of another person who is just as concerned with self as you are.

Don't get me wrong, I too am guilty of all of the negatives I first mentioned, and struggles with the last remedy. However, what is more important is that even in the struggle to do something for another person, I feel more authentic, more helpful, more right in my choice than any one day where I was a chameleon for the world to love me. In my story, Castle-Broken: When appearances are everything, I tell of my woes only because I was the first guy mentioned. The guy who took on an identity in the world to find love, when I never saw what was right in front of me. To give that up. To give up the desire to control and say the world will do what it wants, I cannot control but I can contribute, is the most powerful weapon against stress, against envy, against my need to break another person down, that I have experienced. Click Here, for the book.

Unlike a chameleon, we are meant to stick out in our environment, not to conform to it. Our skin does not change, and we are not meant to all be the same. This is beautiful and complex at the same time, and yet, a battle wages inside the first time we have to be assertive about what we believe. Feel empowered that you are supported, those other people need you as an example to do it, because they aren't yet able to.

True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less. 

- C.S. Lewis