How to Live a Better Life. (Part 1)
Pretty audacious title right? Well, what can I say, living a, "better" life is what everyone is looking for, so might as well cut right to the chase. It is the chase after all, or as I inked on my skin in my early twenty's, "For the pursuit of Happiness..." that we are all active participants in. Even if your race is a passive one-mundane job, spending most time avoiding stress, or distracting from self; we are all in this same race. The only difference is the varying time frames, so we never know who is closer to the finish line until we turn back around and they aren't running anymore.
Gratitude, meaning, "the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness." Therefore, being grateful (active) and readiness (active) and the quality at which we hold these things.
I am responsible for my level of gratitude, or again, my quality. What I am not responsible for are the things I am grateful for. I do play a part in what happens, based on involvement, however, the nature of things set in motion-people, places, and things, are not mine to control. I can only control myself and my level of gratitude, or my quality which I am forming in the moment.
It was the interaction at a kitchy stop on the way to Rapid City. There were signs for miles regarding a large, almost department-store-like place with the regular touristy nick knacks. It was here, in the hustle and bustle of other explorers headed towards the tourist attractions of various South Dakota locations, that my daughter experienced kindness. She was not in the mood. It just so happened the nap was interrupted based poor planing on behalf of her parents. Thus, a mood that would have been dissatisfied with almost anything, a marshmallow balloon with sprinkles inside would have been a disgrace to this state of mind.
"Sweetheart, do you have to go potty?" For we are potty trained now, however, this young girl still holds tight to her control on bladder functions and at these times her own willpower or the little she can control takes charge.
"I don't want to."
"Um, well, we need to go because we are going to be driving for a while after this."
"Noooooo!" Except, is all I heard was a high pitch scream followed quickly by the realization that we are in an enclosed place full of people who do not know we are her parents.
"We do not scream in public." Futile response, for a girl who could care less about anything, even holding her own urine and how relieving it feels to let it out.
It was in this moment that a brief interaction with a world outside of her own reminded this little, independent girl, that there were other people. An older woman walks by, smiles, and indicates that she is upset, and the familiar nod to me, we have all been there. As comforting as the reminder from strangers is, I am not upset, nor am I frustrated, I am simply trying to accomplish a mission, and this little girl threw an obstacle in my will to do so.
There is nothing like a child to see outside of oneself, an interaction with the world, and at times watch it all take place. Only, with my daughter, I do not sit idle, but actively participate in the watching. Parenting is not a spectator sport, and I am not on the bench. My part here, in this moment, where frustrations tend to mount, is to be understanding, be grateful still, and to be a comfort, not an added stressor. The relieving thought here is that I cannot control other people and their reactions to an upset child. The elderly woman's smile indicated to my daughter, other people heard her, and that other people are affected by a screaming child's choices. A weighty lesson, one she will not grasp further until, well, for me it was 30s. It was the brief, interaction from a stranger that indicated that there were other people and she was reminded about this.
This isn't about me, or being embarrassed by the public's opinion or possible disgruntled feelings, but about a lesson, one we are all taking place in, no matter if we signed up for it or not.
These are not my thoughts in the moment, but a foundation I practice to avoid mounting stress within the moments. In fact, in the moment, I am hearing a painful scream and think of how to remedy it, the little passive parent whispers in my ear the temptation of an easier way, offer her something. I do not like the precedence of gifting for poor behaviors, for that is not parenting in it's most pure form, however, the bigger picture, she is upset, her mood is poor, and she has to potty, otherwise she might in the car.
Bring on the $3, light up unicorn as an offering for potty sacrifice.
Parenting, or life in general, isn't about right or wrong, as much as it is about the journey of it all. If you are a person who always looks to control everything (like I am) then the idea of others can be difficult. Not that people exist, but that other people have wills and choices and ours will not, or should not, win out. We are not our own gods and we are not the king of anything, we are active participants in a timeless world where the perception of control is the most dangerous and damning thought one can have. Be along for the ride, stay active in your roles, but remember, we are not as important as we think we are, people do not care as much as we think they do, and if there is a problem, typically it is our own internal judgment or ego that is contributing to the event.
If you are interested, or know anyone who would benefit from an inside look into the world of Male Body Image disorders (quite a jump in topics, right?) then may I suggest my latest book, Castle-Broken: When appearances are everything, available on Amazon. It is quite a horrid thing one goes through when they try to control their world through what they present, quite interrupting, and quite a barrier to growth for the person and others around the person. Yes, it is a problem, and yes, it is actually a mental health concern. Click HERE.
God Bless.
Recently a trip to South Dakota with the family (my wife and daughter of closer to three than two) taught me a most-valuable lesson: to be grateful, yet, I am not responsible for things as much as a part of me says I am.
I am responsible for my level of gratitude, or again, my quality. What I am not responsible for are the things I am grateful for. I do play a part in what happens, based on involvement, however, the nature of things set in motion-people, places, and things, are not mine to control. I can only control myself and my level of gratitude, or my quality which I am forming in the moment.
It was the interaction at a kitchy stop on the way to Rapid City. There were signs for miles regarding a large, almost department-store-like place with the regular touristy nick knacks. It was here, in the hustle and bustle of other explorers headed towards the tourist attractions of various South Dakota locations, that my daughter experienced kindness. She was not in the mood. It just so happened the nap was interrupted based poor planing on behalf of her parents. Thus, a mood that would have been dissatisfied with almost anything, a marshmallow balloon with sprinkles inside would have been a disgrace to this state of mind.
 |
| When a child has to potty, but refuses, it's like, well, a problem to, bear. he he |
"I don't want to."
"Um, well, we need to go because we are going to be driving for a while after this."
"Noooooo!" Except, is all I heard was a high pitch scream followed quickly by the realization that we are in an enclosed place full of people who do not know we are her parents.
 |
| Start of trip, daughter refused photo. Sigh... |
It was in this moment that a brief interaction with a world outside of her own reminded this little, independent girl, that there were other people. An older woman walks by, smiles, and indicates that she is upset, and the familiar nod to me, we have all been there. As comforting as the reminder from strangers is, I am not upset, nor am I frustrated, I am simply trying to accomplish a mission, and this little girl threw an obstacle in my will to do so.
There is nothing like a child to see outside of oneself, an interaction with the world, and at times watch it all take place. Only, with my daughter, I do not sit idle, but actively participate in the watching. Parenting is not a spectator sport, and I am not on the bench. My part here, in this moment, where frustrations tend to mount, is to be understanding, be grateful still, and to be a comfort, not an added stressor. The relieving thought here is that I cannot control other people and their reactions to an upset child. The elderly woman's smile indicated to my daughter, other people heard her, and that other people are affected by a screaming child's choices. A weighty lesson, one she will not grasp further until, well, for me it was 30s. It was the brief, interaction from a stranger that indicated that there were other people and she was reminded about this.
This isn't about me, or being embarrassed by the public's opinion or possible disgruntled feelings, but about a lesson, one we are all taking place in, no matter if we signed up for it or not.
These are not my thoughts in the moment, but a foundation I practice to avoid mounting stress within the moments. In fact, in the moment, I am hearing a painful scream and think of how to remedy it, the little passive parent whispers in my ear the temptation of an easier way, offer her something. I do not like the precedence of gifting for poor behaviors, for that is not parenting in it's most pure form, however, the bigger picture, she is upset, her mood is poor, and she has to potty, otherwise she might in the car.
 |
| Footage caught of me after a daughter's response of wanting help in the car, then yelling at me for helping. "...The things I cannot change." |
Parenting, or life in general, isn't about right or wrong, as much as it is about the journey of it all. If you are a person who always looks to control everything (like I am) then the idea of others can be difficult. Not that people exist, but that other people have wills and choices and ours will not, or should not, win out. We are not our own gods and we are not the king of anything, we are active participants in a timeless world where the perception of control is the most dangerous and damning thought one can have. Be along for the ride, stay active in your roles, but remember, we are not as important as we think we are, people do not care as much as we think they do, and if there is a problem, typically it is our own internal judgment or ego that is contributing to the event.
If you are interested, or know anyone who would benefit from an inside look into the world of Male Body Image disorders (quite a jump in topics, right?) then may I suggest my latest book, Castle-Broken: When appearances are everything, available on Amazon. It is quite a horrid thing one goes through when they try to control their world through what they present, quite interrupting, and quite a barrier to growth for the person and others around the person. Yes, it is a problem, and yes, it is actually a mental health concern. Click HERE. God Bless.
Comments
Post a Comment