Ruin.
Risk it all, for the likelihood of getting caught is small, right? What drives a man to even ask? Is it God, his principals, long-standing beliefs he would die for? Is it a self-sacrifice where the whims of desire fall short to convictions? Or, is he driven strictly by selfish desires, fueling the mind to feast on something that it was never meant to.
This isn’t to say that good men don’t have wandering eyes or minds, but that they become aware and know where that goes. The good men are humble enough to admit fault and do something about it. The good men are able to understand that it is painful and a lot of work to stay convicted and live according to these principles, however it is everything they stand for and to give in, means giving in on self. A man without his beliefs is nothing at all.
It isn’t the wandering, nor is it the environment, but the possibility that lingers. Looking at a woman on a magazine cover, beautiful, sultry, presenting everything you think you want at the time, isn’t what really excites. In her presentation, she is distant, superficial, for it is the longing driven by an inkling of possibility that really gets us. It is not the half-naked truths on a magazine cover or full-frontal Internet video; it is the coworker, a passer-by, a look, a lingering conversation, a picture of a friend in just the right light that makes the mind wander, “Maybe…” It is the insidious way that familiarity, or a non-threatening person, can slip in and go from background character to the main catalyst a clearance sale on principles.
For we would not want to admit to such amoral thoughts. We don’t want to break any #relationshipgoals and admit to adultery, admit to the breaking of The Commandments. for that is too much to bear. Instead, we justify a look, a thought, a lingering daydream as contained, a passing occurrence on our highway of life. Maybe after a thought lingers into a desire, we talk to the “right” friend who will support our feelings, reinforce the desire by reminding us, “we only live once” and “monotony is a government-sanctioned falsehood.” The friend who is still single with three kids reminds us that a relationship is what we make of it, and maybe my current spouse, "doesn’t quite get me."
Ah, now the mind is getting somewhere, for if my spouse doesn’t get me, and this friend or random stranger (who I found on social media and messaged casually) does, then that is what is right, right?
Like a virus slowly taking over the body, the mind is being consumed with a blinding justification, a thought process spread into belief, and maybe, into, reaction? After all, the wife is out of town, I am just going for a drink, she is a friend, that is all, nothing more.
A few beers, a few causal flirtatious stairs and comments, “You know I did have a crush on you,” “Your wife is so lucky.” Ah the brain likes this doesn’t it? This feels good. The conscious mind is being blotted out with alcohol and the feel goods are a flowing, after all, the initial thought of a lowered likelihood of getting caught drove this whole thing in the first place.
The next morning, a painful reminder as an arm touches another, or the empty sheets where a pure marriage used to lie, no longer exists. Even if the marriage lasts, and she doesn’t find out, the purity is gone. No longer can a man look into his wife’s eyes with honesty, for now there is survival, a necessary cover up. It is with an overabundance of compliments or reinforcing the sanctity of marriage as the actions from one, spread to the possibility of another.
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| Lust doesn't always look like this... |
It isn’t the wandering, nor is it the environment, but the possibility that lingers. Looking at a woman on a magazine cover, beautiful, sultry, presenting everything you think you want at the time, isn’t what really excites. In her presentation, she is distant, superficial, for it is the longing driven by an inkling of possibility that really gets us. It is not the half-naked truths on a magazine cover or full-frontal Internet video; it is the coworker, a passer-by, a look, a lingering conversation, a picture of a friend in just the right light that makes the mind wander, “Maybe…” It is the insidious way that familiarity, or a non-threatening person, can slip in and go from background character to the main catalyst a clearance sale on principles.
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| It can be as innocent and casual as this. |
"Uh, not me, but a guy I know…"
For we would not want to admit to such amoral thoughts. We don’t want to break any #relationshipgoals and admit to adultery, admit to the breaking of The Commandments. for that is too much to bear. Instead, we justify a look, a thought, a lingering daydream as contained, a passing occurrence on our highway of life. Maybe after a thought lingers into a desire, we talk to the “right” friend who will support our feelings, reinforce the desire by reminding us, “we only live once” and “monotony is a government-sanctioned falsehood.” The friend who is still single with three kids reminds us that a relationship is what we make of it, and maybe my current spouse, "doesn’t quite get me."
Ah, now the mind is getting somewhere, for if my spouse doesn’t get me, and this friend or random stranger (who I found on social media and messaged casually) does, then that is what is right, right?
Like a virus slowly taking over the body, the mind is being consumed with a blinding justification, a thought process spread into belief, and maybe, into, reaction? After all, the wife is out of town, I am just going for a drink, she is a friend, that is all, nothing more.
A few beers, a few causal flirtatious stairs and comments, “You know I did have a crush on you,” “Your wife is so lucky.” Ah the brain likes this doesn’t it? This feels good. The conscious mind is being blotted out with alcohol and the feel goods are a flowing, after all, the initial thought of a lowered likelihood of getting caught drove this whole thing in the first place.
…
The next morning, a painful reminder as an arm touches another, or the empty sheets where a pure marriage used to lie, no longer exists. Even if the marriage lasts, and she doesn’t find out, the purity is gone. No longer can a man look into his wife’s eyes with honesty, for now there is survival, a necessary cover up. It is with an overabundance of compliments or reinforcing the sanctity of marriage as the actions from one, spread to the possibility of another.
“Another work trip?”
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| She says "work"... |
“With who?”
“Him, huh?”
“Him, huh?”
Yes, now the the natural process of things are set in motion and the laws of nature, the cuckoldry taking place, exists as a primal fear in the mind, for she must be up to something.
This is not the devil’s game, but man's as a result of a thought that lingered just a little too long, as a result of a photo taken, a little look to remedy something we lacked at the time. A photo of a person on social media that we have looked at a thousand times, this time caught our eye. No, this is free will at play, this is man’s choice and once again, we tasted the forbidden fruit and have therefore relieved our self of a content and satisfying marriage. This is not a dramatic movie. This is not some scene of passion. This is the disgust that plays out as a joke, when the devastation has waves for eternity.
One must be aware of self at all times to avoid complacency, for it is the initial thoughts, feelings, desires driven by underlying self that cause the most, lasting destruction. You're better than some primal will, better than a sad selfish person looking to remedy that which you yourself fail to admit to. It is not for shame I write these words as much as a reminder to the unromantic ways the world can promote corruption.
Castle-Broken, When appearances are everything, available HERE. A book about my own body image disorders (not the above story) and the chaos that ensued because I pushed off my own inability to admit weakness.
God Bless.
This is not the devil’s game, but man's as a result of a thought that lingered just a little too long, as a result of a photo taken, a little look to remedy something we lacked at the time. A photo of a person on social media that we have looked at a thousand times, this time caught our eye. No, this is free will at play, this is man’s choice and once again, we tasted the forbidden fruit and have therefore relieved our self of a content and satisfying marriage. This is not a dramatic movie. This is not some scene of passion. This is the disgust that plays out as a joke, when the devastation has waves for eternity.
One must be aware of self at all times to avoid complacency, for it is the initial thoughts, feelings, desires driven by underlying self that cause the most, lasting destruction. You're better than some primal will, better than a sad selfish person looking to remedy that which you yourself fail to admit to. It is not for shame I write these words as much as a reminder to the unromantic ways the world can promote corruption.
Castle-Broken, When appearances are everything, available HERE. A book about my own body image disorders (not the above story) and the chaos that ensued because I pushed off my own inability to admit weakness.
God Bless.
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