You cannot FORCE this.
"Well, he needs to do what is asked of him."
"He needs to start talking about these things."
"He needs to see his situation for what it is."
"He cannot just sit there doing nothing."
What is it that HE is trying to do? See, as humans we have this ability to communicate with one another, an ability that we take a little too far from time to time. Yes, we have lived a life of experience altering what we see as right and wrong, efficient or not, but it is not the life someone else lived, therefore doing what they need to do for them.
I presented on people understanding context recently, for there I refer to the back story being a significant indicator of why or how people did whatever they did. Now however, I want to look at how people interact and try to alter, interfere, change for the better even, the lives of other.
Whether you are a parent, a friend, a spouse, a family member, a complete stranger that simply notices the same poor behaviors over and over again, if you truly feel the need to help, then may I suggest not FORCING someone to change. Yes, believe it or not, the mind, well, my mind, has a natural resistance that is triggered when you tell me I HAVE to do something.
What people MUST do is internalize their own values based on their core beliefs and where they place their energy to fulfill. This, "MUST" is not through willing a change, but naturally taps into beliefs based on a lifetime of experience.
For example: A man, abandoned as a child, lived in foster homes throughout his life, finds a girlfriend whom subtly puts him down. Now, this man stays in the relationship for the obvious filling of a void in intimacy he lacked his entire life. So, when the relationship is threatened, or she decides she is leaving, he then has to deal with the very real situation of again being, "alone."
Now, a friend might respond saying, "forget her man, she is bad for you." For the man who is facing permanent loss (how he sees it) knows this, but knowledge just doesn't seem to override the harsh isolation a loss of an other relationship brings about.
Over time, this man and his relationship becomes so problematic and so constantly up and down, on again, off again, the friends of the man get sick of hearing it and therefore our here is more alone in staying with her than he was before. The cycles continues, but not in a loop, but more like a twister, getting further and further into a painful abyss.
We all have things we SHOULD do, however, for whatever reason, we don't. We do something that we justify as a priority based on fulfilling needs as we see them. In my life, I obsessed over my body because I placed all of my value into how I looked, that story HERE.
In the lives of people we love, we might see or hear about them doing something we don't agree with. For a multitude of reasons, we might want to change their perspective, force them to do something different, see life how we see it, view the priorities we have, fit our agenda, when in reality, that is like taking just any key, forcing it into a key slot, and expecting the door to open. In this rather crude example, we might break the dang lock trying to force our way in, force what we want to happen.
Man is not "forceable," for even if they do the act we want, their mind is free to roam, free to argue, free to be free in whatever that person based on their life experiences placed value in.
So, be patient, understand where people are coming from, pray to the Lord to help in ways that are beneficial for that person, pray for patience if you are spiritual. Be understanding that people all have a different perspective and that we might not fully grasp what they see, for we have convinced ourselves long ago that what we see is THE TRUTH, when they might not be there. Allow them that safety of finding out what they need by providing that nonjudgmental, non-forcing attitude.
Most of all, LOVE.
(OK, that last part felt a little greeting card-ish, but is does work for all situations).
"He needs to start talking about these things."
"He needs to see his situation for what it is."
"He cannot just sit there doing nothing."
What is it that HE is trying to do? See, as humans we have this ability to communicate with one another, an ability that we take a little too far from time to time. Yes, we have lived a life of experience altering what we see as right and wrong, efficient or not, but it is not the life someone else lived, therefore doing what they need to do for them.
I presented on people understanding context recently, for there I refer to the back story being a significant indicator of why or how people did whatever they did. Now however, I want to look at how people interact and try to alter, interfere, change for the better even, the lives of other.
Whether you are a parent, a friend, a spouse, a family member, a complete stranger that simply notices the same poor behaviors over and over again, if you truly feel the need to help, then may I suggest not FORCING someone to change. Yes, believe it or not, the mind, well, my mind, has a natural resistance that is triggered when you tell me I HAVE to do something.
Luke, you HAVE GOT TO....(whatever follows next is most likely covered in the hurt I feel as I am being instructed like a child)
TRIGGERED!!!! And I lost the next 3 minutes of discussion, to which the end result, "Did you hear me?" has to be met with a "yes," for it appears as though that is the only way out.
What people MUST do is internalize their own values based on their core beliefs and where they place their energy to fulfill. This, "MUST" is not through willing a change, but naturally taps into beliefs based on a lifetime of experience.
For example: A man, abandoned as a child, lived in foster homes throughout his life, finds a girlfriend whom subtly puts him down. Now, this man stays in the relationship for the obvious filling of a void in intimacy he lacked his entire life. So, when the relationship is threatened, or she decides she is leaving, he then has to deal with the very real situation of again being, "alone."
Now, a friend might respond saying, "forget her man, she is bad for you." For the man who is facing permanent loss (how he sees it) knows this, but knowledge just doesn't seem to override the harsh isolation a loss of an other relationship brings about.
Over time, this man and his relationship becomes so problematic and so constantly up and down, on again, off again, the friends of the man get sick of hearing it and therefore our here is more alone in staying with her than he was before. The cycles continues, but not in a loop, but more like a twister, getting further and further into a painful abyss.
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In the lives of people we love, we might see or hear about them doing something we don't agree with. For a multitude of reasons, we might want to change their perspective, force them to do something different, see life how we see it, view the priorities we have, fit our agenda, when in reality, that is like taking just any key, forcing it into a key slot, and expecting the door to open. In this rather crude example, we might break the dang lock trying to force our way in, force what we want to happen.
Man is not "forceable," for even if they do the act we want, their mind is free to roam, free to argue, free to be free in whatever that person based on their life experiences placed value in.
So, be patient, understand where people are coming from, pray to the Lord to help in ways that are beneficial for that person, pray for patience if you are spiritual. Be understanding that people all have a different perspective and that we might not fully grasp what they see, for we have convinced ourselves long ago that what we see is THE TRUTH, when they might not be there. Allow them that safety of finding out what they need by providing that nonjudgmental, non-forcing attitude.
Most of all, LOVE.
(OK, that last part felt a little greeting card-ish, but is does work for all situations).
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