Love or Lust.

Wars around the world, gun violence occurring in the schools, financial decline, famine continuing in 3rd world countries, pollution, global warming, decline of the family structure, on and on. I like to get the, "bad" news out, therefore the, "good" can be put into context. Out of these problems the world faces, in the hardest of times, there is one pure feeling that remains, one indescribable thing that can make it all worth while, love.

Oh, what a daunting task to take on this word, for to talk about love means one has experienced it, felt it, allowed it to wash over them drowning out the pain, sorrow, fear. This wave consuming an entire being causing them to feel both the rush and the indescribable high unlike anything else this world offers. By, "this world" I mean here and now, for it is different for everyone, assumptions, perceptions, a life lived, all making experiences different, yet, the need to stay connected with one another, a need from God. Without our need of it, to turn away would be too easy, for feelings like love are inefficient.

Love gets in the way when I want to do something. Love comes in when a decision is so easy, like an elementary school math problem, "yes, Mrs. Wiggis, 3+4 is still 7." I know what I should do in life, but love comes in and says something completely different. I want to make money, but love says "wait." I want to isolate, but love says "connect." I want to write arbitrary and uninsightful things, but love drives me otherwise. I really just want to make it through a day, ignoring all other people, perform certain mundane tasks, sit and watch TV with a bowl of ice cream, but love lingers in the air, like a cloud of suffocating gas driving me to do erratic things I would not otherwise do.

It is both amazing, beautiful, necessary, and tragic at the same time. It is what allowed God to create man from nothing, and it is the reason we turn to him when things are right, but we still need our father's presence.

I cannot be more explicit in what love truly means. 

What is this other feeling, this similar shell that holds the place of love convincing me that love is a little overrated and difficult because it involves investment? This more stimulating feelings of arousal that drives me to some of the same behaviors, some of the same destruction, but yet, can be so absent the next day. Love seems to linger in the air, even if I do not like somebody, but lust, oh, she is a fiery beast, one that I cannot ignore.

"Sarah, just take a drink." 

Lust is more painful than pain, for it leaves mankind with a void it promised to fill. Lust sucked the person's principals right out, leaching purpose and replaced it with other, more shallow, more uncomfortable feelings. Lust is not love, yet is a requirement of being a human, just like happy and content, but also too, like sad and angry.

Lust will have a person driving across town at 3AM while intoxicated, for this is not when the best decisions are made, for intercourse, something that lust desires, an intimacy in place of deeper love. Lust will have a person dance around a subject, a conversation, a social media "like," for the attention feels great, but they know they shouldn't engage. Lust is so powerful when it hits you, no matter what you know to be true, the love, you still somehow do what the devil does best, question the very foundation of all love brings about. Straight denial of love is too harsh, to obvious, the devil is smart and convinces us that replacing love or at least questioning what it truly is will have us justify a lustful desire.

No, no, no, love and lust might feel similar, yet love gives and lust takes. Lust is greedy when love is generous. Love is praying for the person who wronged you, lust is right next to revenge saying you deserve this. Love and contentment are friends and require work to stay with, for they have high standards, lust and pleasure are waiting for you when you have done nothing and are feeling low.

Honestly, she could be doing sit-ups for all we know. 

Awareness of emotions is how we know why and how we are reacting to then increase efficiency in our lives. Love is often replaced with other, more stimulating emotions, lust being a primary source. If you are in a loving, committed relationship talking about powerful feelings, and admitting they exist, is important, for keeping these thoughts inside manifest into justified decisions that corrupt the very foundation of all that is good. One mind is unable to make decisions outside of what they know, we need the influence and love of others to help us think differently. After all, if we made our own best decisions, we wouldn't have any problems, right?

For some of my earlier recollections in life of a misguided energy investment, my book, Castle-Broken: When Appearances are Everything, discusses my thoughts, decisions, ideas, inadequacies, and obsessions that drove me to a state of body image disorders, specifically Muscle Dysmorphia. If you are struggling with body image or know someone who is, or want to know more about Muscle Dysmorphia, click HERE. You would be surprised how many people this affects and how oftentimes treatment is misguided as another mental health disorder.

God Bless.