Embarrassing.

Isolation manifests shame,
validation increases safety. 

How bad can it be, after all, I live in America, I am a white male with a degree and a job, technically, I am richer than most of the world. So then, what could I possibly have to complain about? Unfortunately, like a passive-aggressive remark from a parent reinforcing a competitive environment, some of the most subtle, excused things in life cause some of the biggest problems. No, not problems like lacking clean water, inadequate amounts of food, or having parents that don’t love, or abused me, but in their own way, the forming of the mind around problems too
minimized to take note of can be invalidating.

Invalidation seems to be the root cause of many life’s a folly. When you see a couple arguing, usually when you cut through the yelling, the little comments, you see that the invalidation, or discounting of each other’s feelings lies at the surface. This can extend to children who's parents didn’t acknowledge them or were treated like an inconvenience. Society has a tendency to invalidate others as well, telling us that the “good-looking” people carry more value than a 300-pound resident of your local trailer park. This same society that is what we naturally compare to, is a lot of times different than what we perceive it as, for our perception is our reality and our reality defines our level of validation. 

When we adapt certain behaviors in response to, let’s say, a competitive environment, then we are always engaging this competition, thus deeming life as unsafe. When we have body image disorders, or we compare to an unreal standard, unable to see our true selves, then we will destroy our physical and mental state in hopes to alleviate angst and find value. Excessively eating the same thing, grueling workouts, avoiding others, avoiding challenging situations, forcing ourselves to throw up, using drugs, whatever else an unjust mind determines necessary to accomplish the detrimental task more efficiently than last time. 

Again, this problem is small right? Like just stop the behavior, what are we doing worrying about, “how our body looks,” when half the world is starving. How can we be so egocentric, so selfish to invest in a motive that only serves us? 

If only this were that simple. If only one could not be, “selfish” and just be. A person has nothing left to give if they themselves is not right. When there is a constant competition or invalidation going on where to extend oneself means sacrifice of it as well, takes a level of confidence that people like us, people with body image disorders, are not wealthy in. The world needs more positivity, laughter, happiness, all things we couldn’t agree more with, however we have to first understand ourselves to seek outside of it, we have to ensure we are going to benefit others, not lead them down our own strained path. We are the ones who buy the products, convincing ourselves that this one will solve the problem, that we will stop after this cycle or this last bottle of diet pills, only to sound like every other drug-using stereotype, “just one more.” Our emotions, running too fearful of change to engage it, avoiding what could challenge and seeking the familiar pain of repeat.  After all, I know what hunger feels like, what going to the gym 7 days a week does, what excessive cardio, minimal food, and specifically timed and quantified meals feels like. 

What I don’t know is a life outside of routine, something that has defined mine and people like me, our lives, for so long. A life outside of that which is familiar is scary, but it is what we are told we must do if we want to avoid more negative consequences. If we want to avoid our hearts exploding from pressure, or the liver and kidneys shutting down due to abuse. If we want our thyroids to continue efficiently, if we want our brains to go long into our years and our skin to remain elastic and with that bright, healthy hue. If we want the things that we all agree are signs of a healthy individual, than why on earth would we engage in such unhealthy routines as we have been thus far. 

Maybe, this excusable, easily minimized, discounted problem is larger and more apparent than one might have originally thought. Body image disorders are an offshoot of OCD which has been known to destroy the lives of its host, resulting in a high tendency for suicide. Maybe instead of looking at what we don’t have, we look at what we do, and here that is an overwhelming concern for a self that is misperceived in an environment that is invalidating. 

Together, however, we can remind each other what we have, where we are deviating from truth, and how to stay on track, thus resulting in removal of the invalidating environment with the addition of support. 

“ Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

God Bless.

If you are interested in more information or gaining a better understanding of what you or someone you love might suffer from I wrote a book about the Body Image disorder, Muscle Dysmorphia, Click Here.