To Bully or Not to Bully.

"Get over here!" This as John (not real name), called me over to his locker.

"Are you going to carry my football pads at practice today, or are we going to have to show you what happens if you don't?" A rhetorical question for it wasn't like I was going to be simply, "let off," by not assisting.

I wasn't as intimidated as one might have thought, being a freshman in high school and this senior talking to me like he was. I was taller than him, and when he brought me closer, it kind of killed the effect yelling across the hall would have accomplished.

John knew I was out for football, for we had already ran the gantlet of our 2 and 3-a-day practises. Most of the guys bond during this time, some bow out, some still on the fringes of being accepted. Outward acceptance was not apparent, however I think John liked me. I think he was mean to me in front of the other guys, but my willingness to do whatever it took to be left alone was downright killing his Senior buzz.

...

"Hey Luke, where are Brandon's (not real name) pads?" Yelled across the field as I was already running behind from trying to get my own leg pads into place. I found them scattered about the locker room and I couldn't find the one last hidden knee pad. Fear of looking disorganized or being behind had me running for my life out to practice.

"I didn't know I was supposed to grab them." I respond back, knowing this was not a question as it was a demand.

"You better get them!" Yelled in a threatening manner, enough to grab the attention of the previously unattended group of guys. 

"Man, whatever." I say to Nathan as we run out on the practice field. Nathan ran ahead for he wanted no part in this. 

"Luke, my pads?" Brandon asked for himself now, and Brandon was bigger than John. Brandon had an adult look about him that I never wanted any part of. 

There I was in the face of two seniors in front of the entire team, minus the coaches, and a I feel this surprise SMACK! The laughter of the group mixed with a pain in my face all within an environment of invalidation had me both angry and hurt. I wanted to punch, cry, and go home all at the same time. As quick as the brain can respond to something, it did. More energy went into what I didn't do than what I did; not giving them a show, slightly smiling, agreeing, "Yeah, I deserved that, nice shot." 

"What are you nancies doing out here?" As the coach comes out yelling about the gaggle of us that failed to organize prior to practice. 

"Get to stretching!" As he looks at me as though I purposefully had the group rolling. 

The thing about bullying is that in the moment, during the action of occurrence, to the victim, it isn't bullying. It is kids being kids, a gantlet, a rite of passage. A temporary pain that has to occur to earn a keep. Something that I believed I deserved. Something that I believed all kids got at some point. It was me in this moment and the hit after hit that specific day that led me to think that I could be getting bullied. 

I never told my parents, I never told a teacher or a coach. I never really wanted to complain to anyone for fear of the information getting back to the seniors, or worse, the coaches. There was a rumor of kids hitting each other in the "nuts" and this meant we all had to run extra at the end because, "We were a team." 

The remedy for the bullying at that time, for me, wasn't to tell and try to change the environment, but it was to serve my time, understand the temporariness of it, and move on. Yes, the "bullying" did stop and I did earn my keep with the team. I felt more empowered after wards because of it. Like in basic training when there were certain people harder on certain trainees than others. One could have considered it "bullying," but it made them better. Had them learn tolerance, unfairness, and even discipline in the face on invalidating emotions. 

Bullying has advanced from just being at school to now at home, on the phone, and all over the web. I am not saying that allowing the bullying to "just pass" is the case for everyone, however, it is important to look at the entire picture. 

For me, I was a larger kid, mouthy, and quite honestly knew that the behaviors were until the guys got bored, which I knew they wouldn't get too much from me because of this knowledge. It would have only made things worse on my end to talk about it to an authority figure to get them called in for the behavior, blah, blah, blah. Now, I was over 6ft tall weighing around 200. For other kids, bullying can be a relentless battle, day in and day out, for those situations assertively communicating with the kid or acknowledging that a response is warranted, and identify our role, if any, in the event. 

There isn't a bow for this one, just a conversation topic from a kid who was bullied, then figured out he could bully as an adult. Neither response had long-term benefits; however, both allowed me to see the insidiousness of the act of bullying and how it is/was never as cut and dry as a news story makes it seem now. 

Don't just "end bullying," Understand it, work with it, use it as a tool to discuss difficult topics, feelings, behaviors. There could be a lot of missed opportunity by either the victims or the perpetrators. 

So, I had some other things going on in High school besides this, written here in my Book. Click HERE. 

I wasn't very good at sports anyway!