Gosh Dang It!

A slip of the phone, a smack on the ground, a prayer sent out, I hope it isn't broken.

"Gosh Dangit!" Said without thought, a learned replacement and months of practice to prevent the ears of a 2-year-old from experiencing further, more harsh reactions.

"Goshdangit" She repeats me, reinforcing my efforts.

In these moments, I cannot help but be a little proud of myself for my child's response, or at the least, her recognition of mine. I slip into nostalgia of past days when a curse word flew off my tongue like specks of dust swirling about as an untouched piece of furniture is moved. The words, for they were fun to say, the F***, the S***s, others almost embarrassing to admit to, all dangling in a toolbox of "sentence enhancers," awaiting my use.

That was then, before a child, before hearing myself through the ears of another for the excessive quantity was juvenile. I now WANT to use goofy words to curse a random dropping of a phone or hitting my cracked finger on a door, almost slipping on an icy, uncleaned walk, or simply expressing my discord in dropping various things, as I have a tendency to do. I want my daughter to mimic the behaviors she sees in her parents, most anyway. I want her to see that daddy is not cool, he makes mistakes, and just like I witnessed from my parents, says words that express this frustration.

My father's profanity was of a unique sort, cursing in German as I can not even recall the phrases he used, nor could I attempt to write them out, for they would look like a red-underlined smacking of the keyboard. Every so often, when the mood struck him right, or he was around different people, he would cuss, he would say all the four-letter words that so easily rolled off the tongues on the Cinemax shows after 8PM I heard growing up. My father's profanity seemed odd whenever I heard it, because it never felt like him, he didn't do a lot of that, even in the heat of frustration, like when trying to fix something in the house, or cutting his own cracked hands, for we share this trait. His example to me was to say something in response to an extreme emotion, however that you can still be in control of what this response entails, this seen in his, "Micky Mouse," usage.

My mom was not a cusser either, for she was a teeth grinder, she would clench her jaw and try to speak to her boys with such vinegar that we knew she was upset, she didn't have to drop a four-letter word to get our attention. Her's was more along the lines of, "shew better get that stuff pshicked up before I shrow it ashay!" The words were blurry, but the display of teeth, the flexed muscles of the jaw, depicting as much restraint as force, letting the brothers and I know that the next few moments were not going to be pleasurable.

In my response to fits of frustration, ideally I would like my daughter to see her father act calm, cool, and collected, "Well hunny, that is the utmost frustrating, whatever shall we do," however, I also recognize this is not a British drama and therefore she is going to get, "Gosh dang it," as my best display. The intent of the phrase is a goofy array of words without purpose. The motive is to use an alternative to the Lord's name in vain, disperse attention away from the event, decrease my anger, and impose a slight bit of humor, much like I would assume the reasoning behind my dad's infamous, "Micky Mouse."

What I can appreciate, and what validates my wife and I's efforts in this alteration of word usage, is our daughter's repeat of our behaviors and the sense of pride we both feel as she expresses kindness to the other kids, shares her stuff, and has finally gotten over biting the other kids, a quality she inherited from her mom. It is reinforcing to hear our own words back to us, only to remind her mom and I of the importance of mindfulness in our language, something I took for granted in the past.

Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.  Ephesians 4:29

A book I wrote with stronger language usage than, "gosh" is HERE. It is regarding past mental health and physical health problems, ones I had to get over, much like dropping an F-bomb every few seconds to be funny.