Insidious Adaptation

Summer has officially sprang on us as scheduled. Yet, like a surprise visit from an aunt you haven't heard from in a while, the conditions have been lingering for a while now. Long forgotten are the days in which we were complaining of, "the long winter" we had and now at times we crave a few frigid nights. Times when the conditions were miserably cold we could enjoy the indoors without a sun and overgrown weeds reminding us of our need to face the sweltering conditions.  "Hello you beautiful sunshine." "Oh, and hey humidity." "Oh, hey bugs."  "Whats up electric bill."  Despite the first-world problems and minimal to actually complain about, fall is right around the corner. Yes, fall, probably the longest, most-recognized season of the year. I mean, autumn feels at times to start in August, for football kicks off, and goes until December. What a demanding season he is.  Think about it. It just turned summer,...

What I used to see. "Dude, you're a big guy." A passer-by at the gym, a man whom I've never seen before. Thanks, but you've got no idea what goes on in my head . My thoughts resonate into, "Thanks man." A reluctant response these days. "Yea but when I was your age, I was like twice your size." His response. ...and there it is. What you see is not what you get, not when it comes to how a person looks anyways. Quite honestly, this goes deeper, but I want to stay here for a moment. I want to stay on the surface, the cover of the book, what we see other people as. I am reminded occasionally by my daughter, who appears to view her cousins, who happen to be identical twins, as two completely different people. The adults stammer about as these girls must cater to us when we get the name wrong, as though each day we have to be reintroduced. My daughter is given a gift to give to one, the adults cross their fingers as she starts walking to...

Muddy waters, not too favorable to swim in, as the clear pristine oceans and white sandy beaches seem to be the areas dreams are made of. Also, instead of muddy interpretations of events used to push an agenda, people do tend to like news as it was meant to be, or as I thought it was meant to be anyway, unbiased presentations.  At one point in life, I recall Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton's feud presented from the news as the midst of a war. As a child then, never did I think that what could be reported was merely an interpretation or one side of a truth. I never thought a lie  interpretation, could be so prominent. Nonetheless, I find people's views and why they hold these views and to how far they will go to reinforce these views, fascinating. Lets look at what I see Muslim Terrorists are depicted as: evil people, who hate America so much that they will kill themselves in trying to destroy us. Here is how I see the American mainstream media: pushing an agenda ...

I gave myself 20 minutes to do this, so here it goes. What can we learn about ourselves if we truly play the tape through in its entirety? I'm talking like we see ourselves make a choice and mentally observe the potential consequences. Wait, don't stop there, keep going. OK, so a consequence occurs, maybe a reward, and then what, you pay your dues move on, learn from it or no? Do you see yourself making the same choice twice, even after what you're noticing from this time? That would be crazy right, and I do mean crazy. Like if you could redo the lottery numbers for Saturday after you know your numbers weren't the winning combination, only to pick the exact same numbers? Like, do you just want to be right so bad you would risk being wrong? Playing things through, like really through, might mean that we come right back to where we are now; left with a decision to make. Change isn't really what many people seem to think it is in my opinion. Instead, I encourag...

She has always been such a formal display of cruelty. For me, I have known her more as a Halloween prop than anything else. Through a few history lessons, I understood lynching. Now, I see her differently. I see the craft and variety of ways she is made. Rarely is she actually made the way I saw growing up. We visualize a rope, in reality she can be a tie, a t-shirt, a blanket even, for the rope can be too obvious a giveaway. When you say rope I think of water skiing, I think of a ladder up to a tree house, rarely do I consider the same rope used for someone to exit stage left, early. Yanked out while the audience looked away, never to return. There is no bow after this performance. The play keeps going without skipping a beat, reminding the audience that character, you, were background at best. The play wasn’t about you. Even a lead actor, taken off stage, the one we were meant to look at, he is a shock, he grabs your attention. Luckily there are many others and things to satiate...

Reaching for the air in a sea of raging water. Like wind-torn, sheets smacking against my face. White caps into waves into a drowning pound of Poseidon’s Trident. I know that air is what I need. I know that what I feel is legit. I know that I am doing the best I can, but this dark mass beneath my chin, upholding and at times consuming my body, scares me. At times the water is calm and I am floating above it, relaxed, balanced. The fear of being swallowed whole lingers even in as another wave passes. It is times like these my questions of life's purpose are fueled. I can’t help but ponder in the midst of animosity, negative and condescending tones of other people in the room that what I am doing is wrong and that what happens when they figure out I don’t belong here. I want to eat my emotions as I leave the stuffy room of passive-aggressive peoples, more as I get to the comfort of my own mind where I no longer have to present. I no longer have to nod nor do I have to sit there with...

When I first graduated with my bachelor's degree after seven years of in and out of school, many degree switches, and goal-interfering behaviors, I finally got my first job in my field. Little did I know that first job was going to be working at a group home with adolescent boys whom had a criminal rap sheet larger than grown men I would later work with. The funniest part of the job was that the first time I went in for the interview I had to take a basic math exam, which I failed. My pride interfered with my ability to conduct basic, elementary-level mathematics and budget a grocery ledger. "I'm sorry Mr. Meier, you failed the math test, you are not eligible for hire at this time." The words shook through my body, crumbled my foundation, made me reflect on every other inadequacy that was now exposed. Pain searing through my temples, a throbbing that made me want to lash out at him, the HR guy (whom later became a Facebook friend). I wanted to hurt someone, I wa...