Writing the Wrongs.

Toilet seat? Is that really a thing? 

I have not had to worry about a toilet seat placement at any point in my life. I have not been corrected, but maybe one time. One time, most recently, my wife reminds me that I need to leave the seat down so our daughter can get up on her own to pull her little seat on top of the adult toilet seat and prevent her little cheeks from falling in the water. One time. 

Arguments over money? Like, blaming the other person? Like, complaining that they are using it all? 

Any discussions of finances on my end has never been on where my wife spent money. There have been a few between us about career choices, decisions, new jobs, and what this meant for bills, however accusations have never been my forte, nor have I ever felt that from her. 

Blame, resentment, despise, contrite...you exist with those feelings? 

Why the heck would I have married someone who I would hold a deep resentment for? Why would I want to be with a person that I have to complain about, when I too make my own mistakes? Why would anyone continue to put down the person who they are supposed to be growing with? 

Life is funny. What we tend to expect to be our biggest problems, turn out to be our mind's ability to adapt those problems because it is aware of them. In reality, it is typically the problems we didn't see coming that are the real ones. The problems that occur every day, like complaining about every aspect of the day, or complaining about never enough, or thinking selfishly. All of these complaining or avoiding problems causes problems when we avoid some of the more discounted problems. We continue to looking for the ones we were most worried about, but yet, putting ourselves in a hole placing dirt at our feet. Behaviors so overlooked that one isn't even aware of their own hole dug, with enough dirt filled in our heads are barely able to stay above it all, until the consequence comes into sight. 

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.- 1Timothy 5:8

It is the complacency, a passive overlooking of those things that we thought were small potatoes next to the problems we thought we should worry about that can corrode a relationship. 

20 minutes awake, 45 minutes to clean up...

When someone looks to money to solve their problems, only to overlook and under consider time with family, or the little things like hugs, kisses, touches, problems tend to arise. No, the problems aren't in perspective, because the goal that was originally set out to accomplish was accomplished, money was made, or promotions were achieved, finest schools accepted, projects finished. However, we can't then go back and wonder why we created these problems, or worse yet, "Why me?" 

There is always a back story, an underlying reason on our part for the situation we get ourselves into. For instance, with children, by the time behaviors become "unruly" years of patterns have been set, relationships parameters established, then what is left but to over-correct, or, "get that kid into therapy." 

Presence is a present. It is us, being there that tends to change relationships and can alleviate many of the common problems we tend to accrue. Being present, willing to admit wrong, or the reality that you or I do not know everything, is priceless and leads our children to a life more meaningful than for them to desire a well-paying job, overlooking their own family, overlooking their own problems until they are buried alive. 

Nobody has life, "all figured out" but I will admit that I would take a less-paying job, less of a status, and more of a relationship with my family over the superficial I thought I needed earlier in life. I will take the contentment of wearing many year old models of clothes, or less money to spend on indulgences, when the interactions I have at home are reserved for the nothingness we have going on. 

The above problems many people encounter, or I mistook from cliche'd environmental presentations, a hodgepodge of information put down to indicate a setting, are not something I encounter for two reasons, 1. my wife is very tolerant and accepting without being a martyr about it. 2. I try to remain open and willing to the faults I cause and look toward the future to see how important certain things I consider "small" to be to others. It is the empathy, or realizing that other people have feelings and how do I impact those that prevent many of the problems people typically face. It is the nature of relationships to care for the other person, no longer being selfish with a focus on getting my needs met. 

Go figure, if you're selfish it causes problems.

Castle-Broken: When appearances are everything, available Here. Addressing body image disorders in males, through a memoir with treatment recommendations there to help us survivors of Muscle Dysmorphia look outside of our selfish ways and see what else we offer the world. 

God Bless.