Maybe...
"So then you are choosing to suffer?"
"No, I am not choosing to suffer, but I do suffer."
"Well, that is a choice is it not? Suffering is about how we interpret, through choice, our environment and the circumstances instances we experience."
"I guess"
"So then, the suffering you experience is based on choice."
"Maybe..."
On an unexpectedly warm autumn day, the air conditioning inside my office is particularly frigid, thus the interaction between extreme heat and extreme cool condenses on any surface flexible with the temperature, my client looks at me with a blank stare.
"So, how's your week been?"
"Good."
He does this. He comes to see me, yet, refuses to willingly give up information. Sometimes I feel like some kind of private investigator, having to snoop around the obvious to get client to subconsciously tell me something to grab on to.
"Yea, things are good, just looking for a job, I am sad, thinking about family..."
I decide this week, after many weeks, almost a year, to attack the most obvious. Catch the prey that is the slowest, thought I want to head of heard.
"Yea, why is that?"
"Why is what?"
"Your sadness. It seems to be fresh every week. There never seems to be a reprieve."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, that every week you talk about sadness, yet you don't seem to do anything about it."
This last phrase was purposeful. I wanted to sound accusatory, almost so obvious it hurts. After all, I believe he knows he does this, but to hear another person actually agree that you do, harsh.
"Well, if you..."
He gives details here, I will leave out.
"Look, let me stop you there..."
He looks at me almost offended, but slightly intrigued.
"You do this. Every week, when I challenge the sadness or the apparent depression you claim to experience, you go down this road of sentiment that justifies why you get to be sad. The truth is, you are making this worse on yourself. You are choosing to suffer here."
"You don't know what it's like..."
"You're right. How could I? How could I possibly know every nuance and detail of what you think based on your existence, what you value, your childhood mind that formed these perceptions, the why and what we think, and all the subconscious entities that make you. You are right. There is no way I could possibly even begin to fathom what you are thinking. However, you don't know how I experience pain either."
I know him well. He likes the intelligent discussions. The bold challenges. He respects it. He seems thus far to respect me, despite his prestigious background. I purposefully chose my words to counteract his belief that what he thinks and acts is unique to him, with the reality that all people are unique in the way they think and act.
He listens.
I feel that my point has been stated, and I ask one last question.
"So then the real question is, why do you feel the need to suffer?"
As the session starts to conclude as a mutual respect gets reinforced, the goal stated, something we both know the client wants and I agree to see in the world, as well as some spiritual undertow that pulled us into something deeper, a challenge of client to look at all aspects of self. I notice that in a way, the words weren't mine.
In fact, whenever I talk to someone about valuable items in their life, family, spirituality, Christ, I feel this calm and this ability to talk to them, where they are at, as though it isn't me talking at all.
I feel that through conversations with other people, we all have something to gain, as well as contribute. This doesn't mean we should all be professional counselors, or doctors, though if called I believe it so, however in any realm we are contributing to and assisting the shaping of, other minds and perspectives.
As a reinforcement to the support of men, typically the heads of the household, the ones who still tend to make decisions or become aggressive due to inadequacies, I wrote a book for a population that struggles. Any man who struggles with obsession to the gym, obsession with self-image, Castle-Broken: When appearances are everything, is available here, and discusses the clinical definition of body dysmorphic disorder. You or a loved one might be surprised to find out this is something they suffer from and the chaos that it causes in the life of others.
God Bless.
"No, I am not choosing to suffer, but I do suffer."
"Well, that is a choice is it not? Suffering is about how we interpret, through choice, our environment and the circumstances instances we experience."
"I guess"
"So then, the suffering you experience is based on choice."
"Maybe..."
 |
| Double-click for suffering. |
"So, how's your week been?"
"Good."
He does this. He comes to see me, yet, refuses to willingly give up information. Sometimes I feel like some kind of private investigator, having to snoop around the obvious to get client to subconsciously tell me something to grab on to.
"Yea, things are good, just looking for a job, I am sad, thinking about family..."
I decide this week, after many weeks, almost a year, to attack the most obvious. Catch the prey that is the slowest, thought I want to head of heard.
"Yea, why is that?"
"Why is what?""Your sadness. It seems to be fresh every week. There never seems to be a reprieve."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, that every week you talk about sadness, yet you don't seem to do anything about it."
This last phrase was purposeful. I wanted to sound accusatory, almost so obvious it hurts. After all, I believe he knows he does this, but to hear another person actually agree that you do, harsh.
"Well, if you..."
He gives details here, I will leave out.
"Look, let me stop you there..."
He looks at me almost offended, but slightly intrigued.
"You do this. Every week, when I challenge the sadness or the apparent depression you claim to experience, you go down this road of sentiment that justifies why you get to be sad. The truth is, you are making this worse on yourself. You are choosing to suffer here."
"You don't know what it's like..."
"You're right. How could I? How could I possibly know every nuance and detail of what you think based on your existence, what you value, your childhood mind that formed these perceptions, the why and what we think, and all the subconscious entities that make you. You are right. There is no way I could possibly even begin to fathom what you are thinking. However, you don't know how I experience pain either."
I know him well. He likes the intelligent discussions. The bold challenges. He respects it. He seems thus far to respect me, despite his prestigious background. I purposefully chose my words to counteract his belief that what he thinks and acts is unique to him, with the reality that all people are unique in the way they think and act.
He listens.
I feel that my point has been stated, and I ask one last question.
"So then the real question is, why do you feel the need to suffer?"
As the session starts to conclude as a mutual respect gets reinforced, the goal stated, something we both know the client wants and I agree to see in the world, as well as some spiritual undertow that pulled us into something deeper, a challenge of client to look at all aspects of self. I notice that in a way, the words weren't mine.
In fact, whenever I talk to someone about valuable items in their life, family, spirituality, Christ, I feel this calm and this ability to talk to them, where they are at, as though it isn't me talking at all.
I feel that through conversations with other people, we all have something to gain, as well as contribute. This doesn't mean we should all be professional counselors, or doctors, though if called I believe it so, however in any realm we are contributing to and assisting the shaping of, other minds and perspectives.
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.- Colossians 4:6
As a reinforcement to the support of men, typically the heads of the household, the ones who still tend to make decisions or become aggressive due to inadequacies, I wrote a book for a population that struggles. Any man who struggles with obsession to the gym, obsession with self-image, Castle-Broken: When appearances are everything, is available here, and discusses the clinical definition of body dysmorphic disorder. You or a loved one might be surprised to find out this is something they suffer from and the chaos that it causes in the life of others.God Bless.
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