Where Are You?

Look at her, miserable. She probably hates it here. 

“Why can’t I find a place where people want to work?"

Uh, scratch that. 
When you are sad, everything is dismal. As though the very paint that paints the world is that of a flat brown and any color attempted to paint over it, pale, flat as well. The picture exists, it forms the same structure after all, but there is no vibrancy. What is lacking is the essence of flavor, the subtle aroma of fresh smells and exciting possibilities. Sadness makes anything negative seem possible, takes away a compliment, and instead of trying to get out, the self-defeat prevents much of what little effort is had.

I can only write these words by being in the state of sadness, an extreme, acute, feeling that comes and goes. Possibly from over exertion, or some dietary restriction, which happens. All to often the sadness is remedied through my spiritual connection with God and what he wants for me, but this one lingered longer, maybe long enough to do this. Even as I write and read what I’ve said I only see words to bore, maybe I’m not even doing it justice. I do know for a fact that there are many more qualified individuals who should be writing about sadness than I, for I cannot even be sad correctly.

The good time remind us of why we live, why we continue on through the bad. Everyone gets down, and we all have to cope with stress, pain, negativity, at some point. It is the ability to do this that makes the man resilient.

Uh, why is she singing the song. Another negative thought creeps in while in the moment, overhearing a subtle karaoke down the hall.

The funny thing about this episodic sadness, much different than a major depressive disorder, is that with knowledge am I am able to recognize it. Like literal, counseling training to understand the inner workings of the mind and what mental health looks like for people. I cannot fathom feeling this way and thinking thoughts and interacting with people when I want to be negative, I want to snap. I know, through the education and practice from instances before, that my thoughts are illogical and that it is best I smile and agree, don’t think too much into anything, and remain inside self, listening.

Maybe more coffee will help. Coffee tastes gross enough when I am feeling good, that when sad, it’s like poison.

As I make my way through coping techniques, quickly I head towards the Bible. Overheard on a radio program this morning in Genesis 3:9,“But the Lord God called to the man, where are you?” Not to indicate God did not know where Adam was, but the question was for him to ask himself. Much like what sadness is in every person, how it affects us, the behaviors as a result can make it worse. Ask yourself where you are with your emotions today and see what you are capable of, not just tolerating, for escape is all too often the remedy. If today isn’t the day you feel like giving the presentation because your dog died last night, then there is no nobility in trudging through. There is no trophy at the end of life for how much pain one endured.

Sadness happens, it is here to remind us of the good times. With that being said, we then have to feel it, let the miracle happen, not escape or react based on the emotion, but to experience, and know on the inside how it alters everything, perspective, speech, desires, eating habits, energy levels. This doesn’t define you or I, it is a part, like all other parts, sometimes they just want to take center stage.

Castle-Broken, When appearances are everything, available on Amazon. Understanding your own mental health is important, for otherwise you may not be operating at your best times, or at the right times. 

God Bless.