Submission.
As my hands hold the stack of papers, making sure not to squeeze too hard, not to put creases into the otherwise perfect stack of story, I cannot help but judge my work as, "lacking." Obviously, there is always more one can do when they are in the submission process, there is always another way to do something, another article to find, something else that can be done, for the act of submission is not admission of perfection, but actually that there is need for more.
Acknowledging the overpowering force at times is difficult to a prideful man. |
Submission of another kind, the kind where we bow our heads, admit we are powerless to a person, place, thing, God himself, now this is the admittance that we are not in control, that we are imperfect to the utmost meaning of the word, that we recognize the need. Submission has this tendency to be depicted as such a discounting thing as though submitting makes you a lesser version, like an action going backwards. Instead of growing up, gaining independence, we use that independence to then admit we need a savior, or that something is stronger than our wills? That, is against every instinct man has, for it only makes sense to have all situations under control, to be our own gods and handle our business appropriately and confidently.
As though we are king. |
How can I be confident if I admit submission, if I tell myself I am not the highest power, and I need the assistance of another, high being? How is this contradiction supposed to make me stronger? Maybe I misunderstand strength as a concept. That’s right, maybe the foundation on which I rate my success as a human is faulty and this isn’t about progress into self, but about the ability to slave for another. Am I as good as the men and women I help? Isn’t that what a good worker does, help people, for even an assistant to the boss is still higher up than a person who doesn’t even work for the company.
Am I supposed to be a leader or am I supposed to be a worker bee? To accept the very foundation of what works for the masses as applicable to me? Am I best serving with my gifts by merely doing, or is there some validity in this questioning? The phrase goes, that the more one learns, the more questions they have, in combination with, the concept of learning is admitting we didn’t know in the first place. I do not know right from wrong in the context of what is best for other people. If what is best for me is best for other people, then I am sadly mistaken, for I have no clue what is best for me. Thus far, and regrettably so, some of the best things in terms of knowledge and humility for me have been the most painful. The parts I choose, the parts of happiness and joy, they are not the best part for growth. Now, the best parts for my mental abilities is when I am asleep, the best parts to avoid hunger are when I am eating. So, the best things for me are left to the plan of God and how he only knows what my ideal version is and I have to trust aka submit to, that He is in control.
We cannot be in control. We just can't be it. If man and it’s beasts were all this world was meant for, then we are sadly lost and confused and have no connection to one another. We are as independent as the iguana and a polar bear, as different as a killer whale and a mouse, we are as connected as a snake and the prey it eats. For if we are unable to submit, unable to get to the point of logic that tells us we are not it, we cannot be in control, then what are we really? Are we any more in control than the man that chose to submit? The man who in his submission is actually fulfilling his choice to the utmost, therefore empowering more than any other action? If I, “take control” of my diet and eat raw without any form of submission to the temptations of other foods or the difficulties of following through, then I am merely submitting to my own will, which I have proven in the past to have failed me? Why would I trust in something that fails me, when I trust in a higher power, God, for this matter, I have not been able to prove being failed. His plan is chess, not checkers, complex movements that one isolated incident deemed as, “bad” and yet that was used for “good.” So, then, which is it, accept in the eyes of our creator, for we only know a fraction of the story.
We cannot be ignorant to believe that one isolated move wasn't for a larger plan, can we? |
So, remind me again, what the problem is with submission? How admitting we are not the utmost power in the universe, something that is apparent on a frigid winter morning where the pain of cold pierces even our thickest layers. Who actually chose this, and if so why did their will beat out our own? Therefore we admit submission to another person’s will being stronger than ours? As confusion creeps down my spine, I push the dark cloud away anticipating that confusion will only have me question that which I know. The argument to submission is to admit powerlessness, yet by retaining the assumed, “power” we are essentially saying that everything we have done up until this point in our lives has been 100% under our control? If that is the case, I want no part of that. I will give away my perceived power to be the worker, I will fall back in line and assist those who are stronger, more, Willed, than I am. Logic teaches me that I am not King, master, even head servant. I am a supporter for I submit to this role.
This is not always an easy task for my primal nature wants to take charge, but as man’s frontal cortex learned, I am not at the mercy of primal roles because I know better, and that my friends is empowering.
Castle-Broken, My book, my story, on Muscle Dysmorphia, a body image disorder affecting more men than they care to admit, sold here.
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