In Conclusion...

In conclusion, one has to be stronger than they were before to ensure they do not resume their previously identified, “problematic” behaviors. 

The end is the beginning. The spoiler alert right up front, a clear message. 

Just me. 

I am nothing of significance. This makes me more of a danger than anyone of this weighty expectation, for I have freedom and irrelevance to do and say as I like. I can tell you, that I believe Donald Trump is doing his job, and I believe much of what is happening is a smoke screen for something else. I think that maybe he is doing what he felt like he should do to bring all the little turd pieces to the top of the cream to be scraped off, exposed, dealt with; for underlying issues are still issues. 

Another thing I stand for is the Bible. I can tell you that what is presented is real and told in the way the Bible depicts it for an eternal purpose, not for an upfront message all the time. I believe the tendencies and stories from the Old testament, if taken literally today, killings and whatnot, would be deemed evil but the message at the time, different, pre-Christ. There is a message much larger and longer than just here and now, but a precedence of a fallen man, killing, sacrificing, harming both sexually and mentally, I believe to remind us that man will fail you and there is only one place to seek all that is good. When we fell, we fell hard. 

I also stand for equality, and that by a majority party speaking for other races, nationalities, men speaking for women, we are doing nothing but reinforcing their lack of voice. "We speak for you," thus controlling what is being said. Support through actions, values, in our speeches and side conversations, not allowing racism and discrimination to lace the undertones of our conversations. 

Me, working. Hard. 

I believe in resilience through hard work, through challenges, through opposition. I watch as my daughter struggles up the stairs and the part of me that wants to help is the same part that has to be hindered, for I will not always be there, and she needs to know SHE can do it. My shame or fear of the world cannot come out as I am too scared to see her fail, buffering her impact, even though that is exactly what she needs, for it is what I received from my father in heaven. Asking for help is a great quality and if she does, I will, unless I think she can do it. The look on her face when she accomplishes something she cried over and demanded help with, such as when she reaches the top of the hill in the front yard and looks at me with her little laugh of surprise that she did it, shows growth and my prayer in that moment is that she holds on to that belief in self, no matter what the world tells her. 

People who think that by distracting from their problems they are doing better than before, think again. Distraction or cross-addiction, avoiding one problem by creating another, the world wants from you, expects from you, for it doesn’t see any other potential. These behaviors of lacking faith, are exactly what cause us to avoid pain, suffer in our attempt at comfort when we should have just remedied the problem. We should have dealt with the pain of the moment, understood what is causing such it, and coped, asked for our own help, or sought whatever resource we could to not just remedy, but understand, tolerate, ultimately grow.

I believe that work is essential to happiness and without it, without a structured challenge, a forcing out of a comfort zone, one becomes complacent with an existence inhibited by intolerance creeping in like a spider with a thousand legs.

All of these things, are mine, my beliefs, my values, my internal thought processes driven by a being that has lived 32 years on a planet destined to end. A failing team, a dying star, a damned race that is scraping together what they can while here, resources that inevitably fail, hurt, and disappear leaving us naked, vulnerable, with nothing left but one another. For this reason, we must see what other people have to say, respect that they say it, build a tolerance to our fragile and shameful self to tolerate the pain of a challenge of another’s opinion, and come together. 

The parts of me that believe these things has to have the audacity, confidence, and resilience to stand for them, at all costs, at all times. These are foundational, core components of me and without them I am nothing more than a blob, standing for nothing, falling for anything. I have behaviors I want to change, negatives I want to right, thoughts I want to alter, and I have and continue to do so, with this change however, I am not fixed, but willing to continue.

My entire story here, regarding mental health, body image disorders, and how to overcome and understand these insidious issues.